Ewey's Blog Town

Ewey's Vacay Starting With PEI

2009-08-11T23:08:00.022-04:00

Hey Folks!

It's been a while but I'm back. This time with pictures AND video!!!!

I'm rocking my new Blackberry Storm and have decided to video whatever I can.

This last week involved Kevin and Amy's wedding in beautiful Rustico PEI. Following that, my trip over to Cape Breton for some family visiting.

What I have done is recorded certain moments along the way. Mostly because I can capture the moment at hand and be able to explain it rather than type it. This does not mean I will stop writing. That's what i love to do! But why not some video, right?

Anyway, I will be uploading installments of the wedding and another post for Cape Breton. Just click on the video to watch!

ENJOY!

Love,

Ewey

An Express Message From Earth

2009-07-12T19:54:00.015-04:00

Enclosed is some extra money for the trip to get this to Matthew.....

Hey Matt,

I'm glad you received this message. It cost me like 8 bajillion dollars to make sure it made it safe. Luckily Fed Ex had a special on for messages directly to you.

I got the news this morning man. I'm sorry. I miss you. I love you!

I know it's been a month or so since we last talked. I guess as we grow up, it does get hectic and harder to see each other.

All I've been doing today is remembering our lives together as we grew up.

Hey! Do you remember the time that You, Geoff, and I went to that completely insane/awesome toy store and Grandma bought us plastic swords and ninja jammy jams? We all practiced our super power ninja capabilities! Sadly, I was the smallest ninja so I took the brunt of the battle. Grandma said boys will be boys and Grandad said don't put any holes in my walls! But I'm sure he really didn't mind us horsing around.

It rained today Matt. It rained for you.

I decided to pull over by an old baseball field that Geoff and I use to play on. Mostly because it gave me fond memories of being a kid and being happy and care free. Everyone needs a happy place.

At any rate, I just sat there on the bleachers and thought about you. I thought about our family and how many people are hurting inside.

It's kind of funny how people associate rain with sadness. That's what I did. I felt every little drop of sadness that fell from the clouds onto the back of my neck. I told myself it was raining for you.

I got back in my car and turned my wipers on and drove for a little bit. Not long after that, I saw the sun from behind the clouds. I figured you found a new happy place. I'm glad you did. When I got out of my car, the warm sun on my face made me feel better because I knew you were there.

Much like the rain feeds the flowers and the sun helps them grow, you have loved, you have helped us grow.

Even though I won't be seeing you just yet, you should know that all of our hearts are bigger because of you. The love you gave as a son, a grandson, a brother, an uncle, a cousin, a friend, will always keep our hearts healthy and strong.

Matt, I just wanted to wish you well and tell you we are all thinking of you!

Oh, and check the envelope again. I put in an extra 5 for a beer on me!

Love your little cousin,

Christopher

Orchid Vaginas, Dirty Moustache Rides, And Green Beer

2009-03-15T22:47:00.008-04:00

Well, this is what happens when you take a small sabbatical from your blog.....

I apologize folks! As of late I've been keeping busy with extra curricular activities. I did a little Sunday shopping today. Sorry if you don't agree with it. I didn't at first, but man.... It REALLY is much more convenient for me to shop Sunday!

Anyhoo, after a visit to my friends in a small little Celtic shop in Spring Garden Place, I found myself in the middle of a Orchid Convention!!! Not that I really knew anything about orchids, nor had any previous desire to know more about a specific plant or flower. What I did find out is that these people take orchid growing so seriously and to the extreme, it should be an extreme sport.

Among seeing some of the most amazing and unfathomable orchid growing talent this side of the old bell tower, I got a floor seat to see which growers had beef with the other growers. Some people were pointed out to me, and were said to have 'no eye for a good orchid' AND 'her arrangements make me want to drop my petals.' Whatever that meant :?

I could feel the tension in the room.... It was like being in a staring crossfire between the crips and the bloods!

I moved on to another station with a wonderful arrangement. The lady viewing the orchids along side of me could have easily have been my Grandmother, then proceeded to explaine to me in detail how an orchid is like a vagina.

Yes, it's true! A thin lipped Va-J J....

OK.... Maybe I can see where she is coming from, but explain this one below!

I don't know whether to pee in the sac and flush or pull away for fear of a dirty Mexican moustache ride....

At any rate, enough about orchids!

St Paddy's Day is soon here and I dare say there will be some doozie pics of the event! So save your energy folks, and I hope you all have a green beer or more!

CHEERS!!!!

Ewey

A Thrillemic Weekend!!!

2009-01-13T18:56:00.008-05:00

I've had one helluva weekend folks! It started off with a screening of 1992's "Army of Darkness".

Hosted by local film fanatics Jason Eisener, Mark Palermo, Stephen Cooke, Zach Tovey, John Davies, Rob Cotterill at the Empire 6 Cinema in Dartmouth. <----Directly copied and pasted from their Facebook page, which you should check out people!!!!! Search for "The Thrillema"..... People, if you love classic movies, outrageous movies, and even slightly sadistic movies, you must join this group! As a matter of fact, the next movie to be showing is Robocop!!!! Yes, I did say it.... Robocop!!!! These guys are doing amazing work to bring back so many of our favorite movies back to the big screen and packing the theater with people who could not be more excited to watch these classics. Accomplished individuals themselves, they seem to be striking a rock note with everyone because of their movie choices... Which I'm sure can not be an easy decision. Their Mission You Ask? It is as follows: "Our mission is to bring together the Halifax/Dartmouth film watching community to gather and watch 35mm prints of some of our favorite movies." <--- Again, directly copied and pasted from the Facebook Group. Damn fine mission boys! Check it again guys ---> 'The Thrillema' on Facebook!

AND THEN..... took off to PEI on Friday evening for a random adventure with some great friends. I refuse to post pictures because it started out by dry humping the giant blueberry in Oxford. Folks, it didn't get any prettier from there.....

AND THEN..... I had the Monday off, so Good Old Zwickster and I went shopping for a new home theater, Eff you all up in your face, system.... Pretty bad ass series. I hope you and Amy love it!

AND THEN..... 24 <----The best show on earth!!! I end it here because I will be preparing a post on how much you smell like Vienna Sausage if you don't watch 24. Take a hint... Watch 24
5 Ewey points to the following people for this weekend: Jason, Megan, Zwick, Amy, Jamie, Jennie, Keith, Tom, Rob, Titty-Tat, and the crew from The Thrillema!

Once you have earned 30 Ewey points, you may redeem them for a drunk night with me!
Not refundable for cash, only Canadian Tire money. Valid only in Halifax because anything outside of it, I consider venturing. I don't like to venture.

Mostly yours,

Ewey

Frank Magazine.... Is It Worth Stealing?

2009-01-07T17:23:00.005-05:00

Everyday I make it to a gas station or somewhere that has Frank Magazine stand. And everyday I read the cover from a safe distance for fear of someone ridiculing me for touching it. I've heard some nasty reviews from people that have been personally offended from a previous issue. But I also am taunted by it for the hilarity I sometimes see on the cover.

Mostly because I see Steve Murphy from the CTV News on the cover, grinning at me from week to week. I still have to investigate this matter, but it does seem like Good Ole' Steve has struck a chord with Frank. For some reason, I get the feeling it's for a non-favorable reason.

I read the first few chapters of Steve Murphy's book 'Before The Cameras", while at some sort of party. In hindsight, the party must have been pretty damn craptacular to read a book.....

At any rate, I've been tempted to take one off of the shelf and slide it into my back pocket, while no one is looking, to give it a good read. Yes, I frequently steal items that have a value of less than 3 dollars.

The only reason I am tempted by this bright covered, flimsy paged magazine is because from time to time, I burst out in laughter in a line-up and have to try and explain what made me laugh hard enough to warrant a shamWOW urine cleanup.

Someone once told me I should write for Frank Magazine, but at that time I wasn't sure if it was an insult or a compliment.

So, tomorrow morning when I go to grab my morning coffee and pack of three trojan condoms that I hide in random places I go throughout the course of my day, I will be stealing a Frank Magazine to see what is actually behind the cover. I urge you all to steal one as well, and let me know your thoughts. I also urge you to buy condoms and hide them in funny places. A friends top right desk drawer, throw one in the back seat of your buddies car so his girlfriend can find it later, or even just throw a thumb tack through one and stick it to someones ceiling. Maybe someday it will get lost in the shuffle, after being found, be used, and then you can congratulate someone on their unsuspecting pregnancy.

I apologize to some of you for going behind your backs and reading this magazine you loathe, but curiosity is something I thrive on and I must know the truth for myself!

Expect a follow up post to "Frank Magazine.... Is It Worth Stealing?"

Until next post,

Ewey

ShamWOW!!! That Magic Bullet Is As Fast As Tony Little's Gazelle!!!

2009-01-05T21:54:00.018-05:00

OK, check it out folks!

You haven't lived until you've seen the hilarity of some of these famous infomercial products!!! I pee a little sometimes because I laugh so hard. Some of the acting is so unbelievably absurd and theatrical, it actually makes the product more appealing because you can easily tell that the product is brighter than the acting.

At any rate, check out these pieces of hilarity. The last few I added their online description just for a larffle.

Comin' at ya!

Gotta love the Tobi Steamer! For the people who would rather move their arm up and down to get the wrinkles out instead of side to side....

The Thy Master is by far a classic. Because of this infomercial and Suzanne Somers, I realized at the ripe age of 4 that only a beautiful woman could make me feel this happy down in the rattle snake den. What a woman! Even at her actual age of 76, she is still a knock-out

ShamWOW! This guy is hilarious! For a little weazel, he does a good job. ShamWOW has made it into my regular vocabulary now. "Dude, I shamwowed dog sh*t all over his windshield" or "No way?! ShamWOW'd in the face?!?!"

I'm glad that Tony Little survived his insane accident and all, but if Tony flexed any harder for this 'Gazelle' photo opp, he'd shoot out his lower intestine across the room like it was silly string

Every time I see the Magic Bullet infomercial, I always watch it! Somehow, it amazes me every single time. Best part is, I got one for Christmas and I LOVE it!!! I'm gonna Magic Bullet the ShamWOW out of everything conceivable.

This is the 'Back 2 Life' product. Now it's time to get back to reality. I refuse to use something on my painful back that looks like something you sling your gremlin case over on a 4am drunken escapade with Sue Johanson (Sex with Sue), only because she promises you'll love how it feels..... As she snaps tight, a rubber glove. The pillow is simply for recovery afterward....

"The Hollywood 48 Hour Miracle Diet ® is a special "Miracle Juice" that has been scientifically formulated, so that in just 48 hours you will cleanse your body and lose up to 10 pounds! The Hollywood Diet was created to give your internal body a "vacation" by washing away unhealthy toxins and fat,..."

That's just hilarity in itself... What exactly is this "Miracle Juice" you speak of?

Invisilift
"InvisiLifts allow you to wear prettier, less supportive bras and will keep the nipple from pointing downward."

Because no one likes a saggy nip.... Could you imagine picking up the girl at the bar wearing this product? Could you imagine the look on the poor guys face when high beams switch to low beams? This world is not right.... NOT RIGHT!

Rio Laser Hair Removal
"The Rio Laser Hair Removal Systems are designed for home use. You can now enjoy the benefits of permanent hair reduction without paying for expensive salon treatments."

Just to prove my point EVEN MORE!!!! For all you know, you could be dating a woman, who by all rights, should be proud of the beard she can grow.... It's bad when the wifey can pull off the Tom Selleck stache better than you can...

HD Vision WrapArounds™

"HD Vision technology gives you clarity that you have never experienced

Enhance your vision
Just like High Definition TV
Lightweight & durable
Modern European Style"

Are you flippin kidding me?!?! Do you think we're ALL 95 year olds, that collapse and convulse at the very contact with natural sunlight? "One second dear, let me put on my high definition sun glasses" And Modern European Style???? That's right Bucko! You're the hippest cat at the bingo hall showing Gladys how fast you can dab your called numbers with your revolutionary HD sunglasses....

That's it folks! If you peed a little as well, ShamWOW it up!

Ewey

Eweys New Years Drunken Downhill Spiral - Complete With Pics!!!

2009-01-01T16:16:00.006-05:00

I don't know about the rest of you, but 2008 in my books was one helluva craptacular year. The technical meaning of craptacular is 'wow, i'd rather scoop my eyes out with a spoon'

But I won't let that get me down. No, not this year! I am set up nicely for a great year, I do believe. I feel great, I'm working out, I am rid of the greedy and mean spirited ex's, and I have surrounded myself with great friends and family. On top of that, I am taking steps in right directions. Isn't that what life is all about folks?

I hope all of you had a great New Years and wish you all the very best in 2009!

Here are some pics of my demise, in order to the best of my knowledge, throughout the New Years bash at Geoff and Jennie's place!

I look pretty respectable at the start of the night, don't I?

A little group shot of Jennie, Geoff, Sonya and I

Geoff and I about to throw some darts

1 maybe 2 sneak in's in one photo!

I found a hat! Notice how we all look like we're about to walk into the hall of shame

Let the shame begin with a set of handcuffs and rhumskees

Still in cuffs, now on Roxy's bed.... Maybe that's where I belong...? Yes? No?

Apparently, this maneuver is supposed to seduce women. It worked!

Found a different hat and a karaoke machine! Time for Camille and I to double team Brittany and hit her one more time

"Oops, I did it again"

"Killin' me noooow"

Still in cuffs? Jebus! I'm pretty sure Geoff and I we're trying to bust a rhyme, and this is where I clued in to the severity of my 'whiteyness'

This is where shame set in. Roxy was embarrassed of me too, but her only advice was to go woof myself

The next morning Sonya decided to dress me up, or maybe I was still drunk. Either way, I'm wearing unacceptable outerwear

And to finish it all off in true New Scotland fashion, I head out to help Geoff shovel snow, hung over, ashamed, but knowing full well that I can't help it

I would like to personally thank Marcia for not publishing the picture of my fun dog that I accidentally took on her camera. Also, big ups to Geoff and Jennie for a great New Years bash and to everyone who attended who made me laugh all night long!

Happy 2009 everyone!

Stay tuned for hilarious infomercial products that keep us amused!

Signing off,

Ewey

New Kids On The Block Have Been Resuscitated

2008-12-29T20:46:00.011-05:00

I'm sure we all remember the craze of New Kids On The Block. From here on in it's NKOTB. Some of you may be aware that NKOTB have come back for their victory lap. The sad reality of it all is that there are more people waiting at the finish line with electric paddles and breathing apparatuses then there are fans.

I don't mean any disrespect, and by don't I mean do.... I just believe that when you hit the ripe age of 40, it's time to start planning your division of assets instead of trying to pull the wool over teenagers eyes and make them believe you can run with the young pups.

Or maybe they are just trying to bank a little cashola because they've realized that frivolous embellishments of coke, hookers, and ben-gay can really do a number on the savings account.

At any rate folks, I took the privileged of showing some before and afters of NKOTB. For the record, NKOTB now stands for New Kinds Of Tender Boils.

Check 'em!

Jonathan Knight goes from Lance Bass to......

Being happy to hold stick like objects between his hands?

Jordan Knight started out as a Michael Jackson impersonator to.....

Michael Jackson

Donnie Wahlberg went from cool cat to....

A hard core criminal.... to.....

An aged, balding grampy who turned out to be one hell of an actor in the SAW flicks!

Joey Mac went from boyish hip-hopper to....

Sensitive she-male who loves cream puffs and daisies

Danny Wood went from track mark block head to.....

Just a block head

Christmas Partay 2008 WITH PICS!!!

2008-12-21T21:33:00.008-05:00

Well.... We danced, we laughed, we drank, and evidently I was the only one who molested a reindeer. Folks, below are a few pics (Thanks to Nadine) of our Christmas party. As you may or may not be able to tell, I had a few drinks and had a great time! After seeing these, the night all came flooding back to me and I had many "Gawd, I can't believe I did that" moments.

All in all, it was great time and a big thanks to my friends who took care of me and made sure I got into bed safely.

Check it out!

Of course, I had to take a fake wizzle on the hydrant

It's a Ewey sammich with a slice of Nadine and Kirbs

Trina and I talking about religion and politics

Kirbs, Alan, and I lookin good and merry

Andre and Tanja for after dinner drinkies

Nadine and Ashley and a classic Ewey sneak-in

Ah, The boys starting to feel the effects of alcohol

Scored another sneak in on G-Dubbs, Alan, and Guillaume

My first kiss of the night, and it was from Guillaume... Yuck!

As I proceeded to get drunksee, I swiped a reindeer and amused myself for a while

After foreplay, I then made love to little Birchy

All while serving drinks. Now that's multitasking at it's finest!

I have no idea what I'm doing at this point

Now, that's uncalled for. Sometimes I wish friends would just stop me from doing things like this instead of taking pictures of it.....

On the way home, we caught two people in the back of the van making out! Oh, gotta love Christmas time.....

There you have it Folks! One helluva Christmas party that I made the best of! Let's just hope I don't get a pink slip on Monday morning for improper behavior towards a reindeer.....

Merry Christmas,

Ewey

Insane Christmas Snow Sculptures In Our Town

2008-12-14T14:25:00.015-05:00

I was taking a little stroll through The Town on a beautiful day and into the evening. In my town we all say 'wassup?' to our neighbors and enjoy our harmonious and fun lives. In our town, we can all make fun of each other and laugh about it, because in all honesty, we're all different and we all can laugh at our uniqueness.

Come this way and I'll take you on a quick tour and show you these insanely ridiculous snow sculptures that are in my neighbors lawns.

Well this is just hilarious! Someone explained to little Billy that even though we're all going to die, it's OK to wither away with a smile and an expression of "Meh, what can you do?"

That's just Franko the deer. He's not actually hungry. I told him to take off the nose and drop it a couple snow ballz down and give Frosty a wang-a-roo.

Naughty Nicole and Rocked-out Rodney created this one. The local nudists who live on Dirty Sex Street. This is all they do on a daily basis.

This is Sadistic Sam's front lawn. It's his rendition of what he wants to happen to Paris Hilton and her new BFF

This is Free-Ballin Bob's sculpture. This is not just any penis folks! This is a penis that Bob sculpted on his neighbors lawn. It was funny to see Old Mrs. Landry's face that morning!

Funny story... I got drunkskee last night and sculpted this in the park. A scenario that may have occurred this past summer.....

This is Old Captain Keggy's. He is actually a real pirate who mugs the the hell out of people on a daily basis, but he's cool as hell so we accept him just the way he is.

This is actually my friend Chris MacLean covered in snow. He looks an awful lot like Batman....

Mary and Jane sculpted this amazing rendition of Zelda. They are all roommates down on the corner who smoke a lot of marijuana and play video games all day. It took a while to get them off the coach to make this....

Eweys Blog Town has it's very own Grinch. A very nice fellow, but had to wizz really really bad. It's perfectly acceptable for him to pee on snowmen only because his pee is green. We all encourage him to do things like this on a regular basis.

Luscious Lucy created this 'Space Invadors Alien" because she's a gamer chick who brought gaming back to it's roots. *w00t w00t"

Stephen King lives in our town and created this masterpiece. Very cool sculpture, but he's a bit of a wank face.

This sculpture was created by my loyal citizens. Before the Town was created, it was infested with Dragons. My first duty as Town Mayor was to slay all the dragons. It was hard work, but someone had to do it. Great attention to detail... Bravo!

These little happy feet penguins we're created by Tiny Timmy and his sister Simple Sarah. Shortly after, the Grinch wizzed on them and we all laughed.

This poor, unsuspecting Picachoo is about to get a monster full from behind. Created by Loco Larry because he hates adorable cartoon characters and wishes bad things for them.

Finally, this is my yard! I keep some of the towns-people employed for it's up-keep, as you can see. We just party in it every night... That's how we roll. Free drinks, free nachos, and dancing polar bears.

This is the inside.....

My Town is just a way cooler place to live!

Ewey

Top 10 No No's While Drinking

2008-12-11T20:59:00.006-05:00

Folks! Fact is, the majority of us drink. And most of will be doing that over the Holidays as if it we're a marathon to win eternal life. What I have compiled is a special Top 10 list of No No's that we have to keep in mind while we are partying it up at house parties and the bars.

Pay close attention, write a few of these down and tuck them away in your purse or wallet for future reference, or maybe even a handy pocket guide as you go forth and spread merry to others. Spread merry????........

Anyway, comin' atcha!!!! Top 10

10. Say no to telling everyone you know that you bump into about how much you love them. I'm sure a few of you do this and you know it.... Keep in mind this also mean keeping your arms at your sides and not extending them for huggles and smoochies.

9. Just say no to confessing your love to that person who obviously doesn't feel the same way about you, or that person who is just so far out of your league that you are playing two different sports all together. Much like football compared to blind folded ringette.

8. Even though you may have had enough to drink to make you feel like an unstoppable love machine, it is a no no to grab a woman's fun buns and love jugs, or a mans nifty noodle. Well, most men wouldn't care, but you get the point.

7. If you've gotten to the point where you notice that you are slurring your words a little, it is a complete no no to attempt words such as Judicial, Preliminary, Specificity, and Cinnamon.

6. If you meet someone for the first time and they have a massive growth or boogie on their face, it is a definite no no to break eye contact and let your eyes wander and stare directly at the 'WTF' on their face.

5. If you've thrown up your Doritos, jelly beans, pizza, and your vodka shooters, you must not, in any way, thinks it's alright to go back to the party until your brush twice, and/or gargle 3-6 times with Listerine. Let's face it.... Barf has a nasty hum to it. people notice that shizz man!

4. When you're at the stage of "I know the answer to everything, so let me elaborate to you', for everybody's sake and safety, put your bottle or glass down and then begin with your ridiculous hand waving and gestures. No one likes a drunk spilly talker.

3. If you are one of the less fortunate, and end up taking home the pot bellied bar star from the local watering hole that everyone else you know has already had a few cracks at, it is a no no to go to sleep without setting your cell phone alarm to an early hour in the am. Do not stick around for bacon and eggs. And if you forget where you're at when you're leaving, check their address on their mail, call a cab, and get outta there!!! Huge ups to J-Kurz for that bit of advice :)

2. Obviously, do not drink and drive, but if you are in a car and need to spit your junk, do not wait until the last second. You are not Jack Bauer and you can't miraculously find a way to get the driver to stop, undo your seat belt, unlock the door, and barrel roll to a safe distance of 5 feet, all in under 4.7 seconds.

1. If you are drunk enough to not care about how people may see you, or you are just oblivious to everything else around you, do not think it's OK to scratch yourself in compromising ways or pick pieces of fabric out of tight spaces. Suck it up, go to the washroom, and let loose. Otherwise, everyone else will think you caught the crabs from Paris Hilton and nobody needs a mental image of wedgies. As Cleveland from Family Guy would say.... "That's just nasty!"

There it is y'all ! Enjoy the plate full of No No's as you enjoy your festivities this Christmas. Be safe, have fun, but most of all, have some public decency so you can make fun and laugh at the other people who don't.

Always yours,

Ewey

The Top 10 At Your Office Christmas Party!!!

2008-12-08T23:15:00.010-05:00

Picture this...... It's early in the evening, and most everyone has had a drink or two. When over the chattery hum of the people and the cheeeeezeeee band that is playing, you hear a "Check these puppies out!!! Bow-chicka-wow-wooooow!"

That's right, you guessed it.....! Mabel from accounting, who always seemed like a bit of a skank but usually kept quiet and to herself, is in the corner trying to get one of the buss boys to grab her hoo hoo's. It's likely that she started predrinking way before the 'let's get ready to go' stage.

So here it is folks! Oh, and enjoy my selection of drunk people along the way :)

Top 10 Must Do's At Your Office Christmas Party

10. As soon as you get to your office Christmas party, become the best friend of the people who hold the drink tickets. If you missed out on being selected for that position, make sure you know well in advance to do a little ass kissing to score yourself an extra 3-14 drinks.

9. Do your best to scope out the easiest co-worker at the party. She's easy to find. She's been with at least two other co-workers, shook her boobs for her job, picking her up at a bar can be accomplished with little ease, and has grown a beer belly from all of the beer she mooched off of people. Tell her your buddy digs her and she should chat him up because he's too shy. But most importantly, don't tell your buddy you are doing this.

8. Do your best to keep involved with the recent inter-office drama, and do frequent check in's with the separate parties who have 'beef' with each other. Keep a sharp eye to see a potential shove match occur, and if enough booze is involved, you may see a fist fly or scratched cornea from a high heel shoe.

7. When everyone has had enough to drink, start the leg kicking choo-choo train that goes around the room. As soon as at least 5 people have it locked and loaded in place behind you, peel off and leave the train, grab your drink, and then laugh at the fruit cakes dancing around the room like they're socially accepted in the Bahamas.

6. Convince the coworker, who thinks they are under appreciated and underpaid, to ask the boss for a raise immediately after dinner is over and everyone gets up for drinks and merry salutations.

5. Get the band/'DJ shitty' to dedicate "Girls just wanna have fun" to all the laydeez in the house. Sit back, get a beer, and watch to see what creepy guys slither their way into a situation they should be sitting out. Then point out to other people who the pervs are.

4. Find someone who sings to every song the band or DJ plays, but sings like the greased up def guy from Family Guy. Buy them a few drinks and convince them that they should be a rock star and grab the microphone and belt out a tune so everyone can enjoy their riveting and breath taking voice.

3. Set the alarm on your cell phone for 10 minute increments during the after dinner mingling or dance, simply to pretend it's a call. This works in two beneficial ways. Take note: First, It will allow you to turn the alarm off, as if to ignore the call because the person you are talking to is hot or simply important, and they instantly believe that you screened your call and they are special. And everyone just loves to be special. Second, It allows you to pretend there is an urgent matter and can get you out of talking to lame people for an unnecessary amount of time.

2. Try to buy the first round as early as possible. For most of the evening when the bar is busy, your friends have to endure the line up.

1. Whatever you do, bring a camera or make sure the people you go with bring one to capture these moments throughout the night, as they unfold before your very eyes. Get home, and throw all the memories on Facebook for everyone to enjoy.

There it is! A surefire way to solidify an interesting and exciting office Christmas party. Mine is in a week and a half and I can already feel the excitement of poo being flung, volatile projectile vomit, broken tables, and a night of some of the most amazing photo sneak in's one could ever imagine.

Here's to irresponsible people who make the world turn!

Ewey

Politics and Hot Canadian Women

2008-12-04T01:29:00.020-05:00

You're probably wondering why there are gorgeous models in bikinis. The real question is, why wouldn't there be?

Here's my issue with our recent political issues.

No matter what decision is made, no matter how small or how big, you simply cannot please everyone.

Canada voted. We dragged our beer drinking, hockey watching asses out to the polls, and we voted.

There was a clear winner! Democracy in it's truest form has taken place.

What happened after that is three losers got together for apple-tinis after their defeat and couldn't bring themselves to terms with Harper shutting them out.... Again.

A Frenchmen who can barely speak English, another one who can only argue against the

Conservative platform and can't defend his own, and a Bobble-Head...... Dear God!

At any rate folks, this whole non-confidence vote being slapped in the Gov Gen's face, (a former separatist) might as well be a big middle finger thrown in every Canadians face. It's like running home to mommy and saying that you think the other kids are stupid and won't let me do what I want. In this case, Duceppe, Layton, and Dion are all holding each others hands for support as they cry to Michaëlle Jean saying "Harper made me feel inadequate and my tummy hurts..."

Taking away what the majority of Canada voted for is basically saying we're too stupid to make our own decisions for what we think is best for us. How democratic is that?

Harper may not please everyone, but he, at the very least, pleased the majority. He may not be the most exciting and have the coolest hair style, but he has his shit together and clearly has more support.

How is the majority of Canada supposed to accept a government that we didn't vote for? Did we just waste 30 million on voting just to witness three poor losers?

I'll leave you with this. The Facebook group supporting the coalition government has 3,615 supporters. The Facebook group against the coalition government has 87,112 supporters.

It's only Facebook, so draw your own conclusion. I for one, believe we all need a drumstick dairy treat to cool out, and then take a step outside of the box and see that what is happening is costly, unfair, time wasting, and it is an insult to every Canadian citizen who voted in this past election.

There's you political update....

Ewey

Paris Hilton Proves Nasty All Over Again!!!

2008-12-02T17:26:00.008-05:00

Folks, if I've said it once, I've said it a million times.... Paris Hilton needs to slip down a flood drain and wash away with the rest of our garbage!

After viewing this picture sent to me from Kara (big ups btw) it is quite apparent that Paris is the nastiest, most skanky girl ever created. Well.... I can think of one that out-skanks her, but we don't talk to her anymore ;)

At any rate, peep this and make mental notes!

If we look closely, we can clearly see that Paris has had a door knob implant in her left knee, and a 'holy shizzy ballz, what the fark is that', implanted in her right knee.

If we look even closer, we can find that Paris has stooped to hiding her friends in her vagina, simply to sneak them into the club.

Paris, we can all see the third leg protruding out of your mini skirt. It's like her Vag doubles as a kangaroo pouch. Instead of hiding friends and appliances in there, why not keep the homeless warm this Christmas???? Do something that makes a difference in someone elses life instead of spreading the gift of STD's!

There you have it.... Paris Hilton Proves Nasty All Over Again!!!

Ewey

Baby, All I Want For Christmas Is Ewey! A butt-load of Questions & The Answer!

2008-11-24T16:41:00.000-05:00

Glad to see that the numbers are up for Eweys Blog Town, at an all time high! Thank you all for reading, hopefully enjoying, and gaining new perspectives about the reality of the world we live in all the while. Since it's nearing the Christmas season, spread the Blog Town News to a friend, or someone you know who hates Paris Hilton as much as I do!

At any rate, a faithful reader of 'The Town', who after a long and rigorous battle with her computer, finally was able to see the news properly. On my Facebook news feed, I noticed that she posted these questions about herself.... And I'm a sucker for reading these questions and answers, simply to see how hilarious their answers are, or to see how lame their answers are. Like, every answer consists of how amazing their bf or gf are. "I talked last to my amazing bf Rufus" or "My Becky-boops is 'the one'. I love you baby! See you later tonight!"
Seriously people.... Snap out of it! The only people that need to know how embarassing you can be, are the ones you dedicate you soul existance to in your answers.

So keeping with the festive motif, Here are the Christmas questions and my answers.......

1. Getting kissed under the mistletoe or in the snow?
Funny.... I nicknamed my belly button mistletoe..... Wait for it...... There ya go! Anyway, you either run the risk of Old Great Aunt Ethel jumping in and planting a slimy one on the cheek or a potential snotty nose in the snow. It's a snifty/fifty for me.

2. Santa or Rudolph?:
Rudolph - If I ever took him out for a spin in the clouds and we crashed, I could make steaks out of him, and use his detached head as a flashlight or an SOS to Santa when he's out looking for my ass, cursing me for not signing out the reindeer for a test flight.

3. Stocking or presents?:
Prezzies Fo Sho!

4. Egg nog or hot cider?:
We all want the Nog. Everyone does. Hot cider is for snooty floofers and fluffy gumpers.

5. Angel or Star ?:
Angels - Not because I'm a fluffy gumper, but only beacause some Angels are attractive, as far as Angels go.... And then you can use it as a gag at a well drunked Christmas party by lifting up her dress. But really don't do that. God will puck you in head for an unholy attitude.

6. Decorating the tree or putting lights on the outside?
Personally, I like decorating other peoples lawns with their neighbours Christmas lawn decorations. But probably the tree because you get to see the Angel again, after all those months.....

7. Warm fires or sleigh rides?:
Warm fires - No one likes being cold and smelling horse-duds.

8. Expensive presents or presents that come from the heart?:
From the heart because I'm still holding on to hope that someone will knit me a ridiculous Christmas sweater.

9. Snow ball fight or snowman?
Snowman - It's always too hilarious when you drive by a snowman, and the little bastard neighborhood boy (God bless him), took the carrot nose and two pieces of cole and made a different face in a different region on Frosty. On that day, that boy amused 2000 people on their way to work, offended about 30, and made two children cry. That's a good days work by my standards.

10. Will you be getting coal or presents?
Just remember, coal hurts when it gets heaved over the crowd and pucks you in the head.

11. Giving or Receiving presents?
I rather give prezzies. I think I deliver a good mix between a quality/thoughtful prezzie.

12. Open presents quick or slow?
It's all about opening at the same pace every time. It's too easy to tell who the present opener likes the most, by the speed at which they open the present. Think about that people! It can cause potential future issues.

13. Caroling or Christmas stories?
Srories for shizz! Stories can be told through the magic of television picture films, and I love my Christmas picture films.

14. Snowy days or icy days?:
snowy!

15. Red or Green?:
New Color Alert ---> GRED - Pronounced 'Grrr_ed' -> The color in which red and green are intermingled, but keep their true color and do not mix to create the color 'gross'. Resulting in a fantastic new Christmas color.

16. Nightmare before Christmas or The Santa Claus?
If you read the Blog Town news previous to this post, you'll see that I have small issues with both of these movies. A bit too creepy and an overdose of Tim Allen, both of which aren't favorable to me.

17. Dasher or Dancer?:
With names like that, I don't believe I will be chillin with either of those dudes.

18. Prancer or Vixen?:
Seriously.... ???

19. Comet or Cupid?:
Comet uses uppers and Cupid hits on Prancer

20. Donner or Blitzen?:
Donner sounds like a Debbie Downer and Blitzen smokes weed and flies. And flying under the influence isn't cool!

21. Fake tree or Real tree?
Real trees & finding them yourself - Because nothing smells more fulfilling than a whiff of doing your part to clear cut our beautiful forests and mount it like a trophy. No sarcasm there folks.... It truly is a great feeling.

22. Prime Rib or Ham?:
Prime Rib - Because you can always get away with saying you'll have some more Optimus Prime Rib.

23. Red and White Candy Canes or Colorful Candy Canes?:
I don't eat candy canes generally, but red and white seem OK to me.

24. Get up early or sleep in late?:
I'm a reformed sleep in artist - Getting up early always seems more productive.

25. Old Christmas Movies or New ones?:
Old ones are the best by far because there is always that childhood Christmas movie that tugs a string or two.

26. The Santa Claus 1 or The Santa Claus 2?:
Tim Allen is cool and all, but I hate watching his movies where I expect that full out power tool grunt at any moment.

27. The Grinch movie or Elf movie?:
Again, from the previous post, it is clearly stated that The Grinch is number 10 on the charts and Elf rolled its hilarious ass straight to the number 2 spot. This should not even be a question.

28. Scrooge or Tiny Tim?:
At least Scrooge has a personality instead of sugar plums dreams and a bum leg.

29. Ornaments or a Wreath?:
Ornaments - Especially ornaments that were made in elementary school with a 3 pound seashell a huge hook, stabilizer bars, water based paint, and the dream of a small boy believing that the sheer weight of it would never mess with the trees center of gravity.

30. Christmas Eve or Christmas day?:
Jesus unofficially said to us in an interview at the Young St. liquor store "All shall rejoice and get drunksy on thy eve of my birth with pleasures of merlot and eggith noggeth, and onith the following dawn, taketh 1000 Mg's of Tylenol, eateth an apple and slameth down a power drink"

Before Christmas:

1. Does your family send out Christmas cards?:
They sure do

2. How soon do you start shopping?:
About a week before Christmas. I love the challenge of finding the right gift after every store has been cleaned out.

3. Who do you shop for?:
The immediate fam of course.

4. Do you put up a Christmas tree?:
Just doing my part little Billy.....

5. If so, is it fake or real?:
And one day, you'll clear cut a little chipmunks home too, boy

Decorations:

6. Do you like tinsel?
Not unless I like German techno music.... And I don't.....

7. Do you use homemade or store bought ornaments?:
Store bought, and a little mix of homemade.

8. Do you put Christmas lights outside your house?
Sure do - Everyone loves a little festive tackiness

9. Do you put lights on the tree?:
Yup - Sometimes candles like they did in the 1800's. Safe and reliable - That's my philosophy.

10. How about popcorn and cranberries?:
Definitely not together - That's sick!

11. Is there a wreath hanging on your door?:
No, but I have two neighbours that may or may not have gotten their wreaths swapped.

Christmas Eve:

13. Do you hang up your stocking?:
Personally, I like my stocking under the tree.

14. Does your family read "Twas the night before Christmas?":
My other family who lives in the suburbs of 1869 do every year just before we blow out the candles on the tree.

16. Do you open a present on Christmas Eve?
Every year without fail! I shake, smell, and tap every present, and make an educated decision before choosing.

Favourite:

17. Christmas Movie?:
Again, on the list. A Christmas Story is the undefeated champ of Christmas movies.

18. Character from any Christmas Movie:
Father Chuck O'Malley - Played by Bing Crosby - 1945

19. Christmas Song:
Christmas in Killarney

20. Christmas Memory:
Trying to re-decorate a Christmas tree that fell over one year. This particular tree had needles on the branches made from razor blades and pure hell. Erika coordinating the process while Geoff and I wrapped towels around us to evade certain death from the death needles.

This or That :

21. White Lights or Colored Lights?
I don't want to offend anyone - I enjoy all lights equally.

22. Blinking Lights or Still Lights?
Blinking lights annoy me

23. Were you Naughty or Nice this year?:
Always nice.... never fails. Although, I did dip my toes in the naughty sauce a few times... :P

Presents:

24. What do you want for Christmas this year?:
A plane ticket and cash - And maybe a nice bottle of Scotch to drink the cares away (responsibly of course)

25. When do you open your gifts?:
Whenever the 1000 Mg's of Tylenol kicks in

26. What's the best gift you've ever gotten?
My family - I know... Adorable isn't it?

27. What's the worst gift you've ever gotten?:
A funny, discolored itch.... I'm kidding - I'm clean

28. Who gives you the most gifts?
I do, because every time I go shopping for Geoff, I find things to buy for myself.

29. Have you ever had a secret Santa?:
Yes, and she made me a mixed CD of awesome music and bought me a case of Guinness.

33. Do you like wrapping gifts?:
Hate it almost as much as as I hate Paris Hilton. As long as the present is covered by the wrapping paper, in any way, is fine with me.

Random:

34. Do you put change in those red buckets?:
All the time.

35. Do you burn a yule log?:
Not since the 30's.

36. Can you name all the reindeer?:
Sure can! Even with my eyes closed.

37. Do you bake cookies?:
No Sir. I eat cookies that have been baked for me.

38. Have you ever seen your mommy kissing Santa Clause?:
If I did, I'd beat the shizz out of Kringle and ground my mother.

39. Have you ever gotten a kiss under the mistletoe?:
Not in the romantic Christmas way.

41. Do you drive around and look at the Christmas lights?:
That takes away from my drinking time.

42. Have you ever left Santa cookies?:
Sure did. Turns out that Dad ate them.

43. Have you ever sat on Santa's lap?:
Yes, and I tried my best to pee on him, but failed.

44. Who do you celebrate Christmas with?:
Family and friends.

45. Where do you celebrate Christmas?
I celebrate Christmas everywhere I go.

46. Have you ever had a white Christmas?:
Not in a few years, but yes.

47. What part of Christmas do you look most forward to?:
Definitely the suppers and seeing family.

48. Have you ever had your picture taken with Santa?:
Yes. At the exact moment I was trying to force myself to pee on his lap.

49. Does your family always take pictures at Christmas?
Always. Erika is the snap happy queen!

50. What would be a Christmas dream of yours?
To stroll around naked while I open my gifts, shop, and party.... and be accepted as a normal member of the Halifax Regional Municipality.

Hope you all enjoy the Holidays, and thanks to CC for the holiday questions! You're the snizzle in my frizzle!

Always yours,

Ewey

The Jack Attack Is Back! Bauer Can Break Necks With One Leg!

2008-11-23T23:33:00.007-05:00

If you know me, you know that I am a 24 fanatic. If you don't know what 24 is, I don't want you to even read my blog anymore...... So 24 is back with another season of shizz your pants thrills and cliff hanger endings!

Kiefer Sutherland is out of jail and back on the air with another exciting season of 24 that seems to be just as fulfilling as every other season. It is very much a show that you need to see from the very beginning to know all of the characters and backgrounds to events.

The best thing about this show is that I got to see the season premier with a good old buddy of mine who use to watch it with us back in the day. I planned on watching it alone with beer and snacks, but I got a message from my good buddy Jay the other day saying we should catch up and watch Jack Bauer kill dozens of people. So I said Hellz Yeah!

Turns out, I could wizz on Jays front door from my place. We hung out, caught up, and saw Jack snap necks with his leg.

Moral of the story...... Watch 24! It's just a better show. Also, make time for those old buddies. Catch up and have a few beer. There is nothing better than surrounding yourself with good people and Jack Bauer.

At any rate, if you're going to try to get into the show... Good luck. You're almost screwed unless you've got the gist from previous seasons. My advice..... Rent the first few seasons and watch them throughout the week. You won't be disappointed!

Best show on the tele, by far!

Reporting the cool things in life,

Ewey

Eweys TOP 10 Christmas Classics!!!

2008-11-20T22:33:00.019-05:00

Check it out Yo'!

Since I just had this discussion tonight, I feel the need to share with you all, my top picks for best Christmas movies that I need to see every Christmas or else I get, what scientists like to call the "I Just Got Hozed By My Television" syndrome."

How was that for a run-on sentence????

In the case that CBC won't air one of my TOP 10, I hate to say it too, but I just may write a letter. I know...... A letter! I may even write George Stroumboulopoulos and maybe even Peter Mansbridge if I feel feisty enough. And if they agree with me about these movies, they should give me props for selecting the best Christmas movies of all time. Picture that folks.... The Legend, Peter Mansbridge, giving me a shout out on The National! "And we end our programme tonight friends, with 'Big Ups to Ewey from Eweys Blog Town, for suggesting these amazing TOP 10 Christmas movies. This young man has made Christmas just a little more cheery this year...."

And for you Strombo
.... You're just a cool dude with a cool show bro. Keep up the good work!

At any rate folks, here it comes..... Eweys

OOOOPS! How'd that get there??? Now.... Isn't this awkward......

*Ahem!!* ....... EweysThere we go..... listen up CBC!

10. How The Grinch Stole Christmas
Because we all appreciate and chuckle over his mischevious ways

9. One Magic Christmas
Because Gideon The Angel actually drove a 1980 Thunderbird

8. Mickey's A Christmas Carol
Because old Scrooge McDuck had a conscience after all. And it turned out that Tiny Tim just had athletes foot but still lost his leg. Evidently, penicillin was discovered a few days later..... Poor lil' Timmy

7. Scrooged
Lets face it..... Bill Murray was on some pretty hilarious drugs at the time

6. Home Alone
Very exciting childhood movie that made it alright for kids to booby trap their homes. Is that MJ in the background???? Weird....

5. A Christmas Carol (Black & White)
Only because it proves that film did exist in the mesozoic era

4. Any Bing Crosby Christmas Movie
Bing is simply a man that every other man wishes they could be. Look at that mug shot... What a lush! But the coolest lush of them all

3. National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation
Clark Griswold's day dream of the hot chick diving into and coming out of the pool. Need I say more??? That's what I thought!

2. Elf
Will Farrell shines as Buddy the Elf! Far fetched, but a gut buster nonetheless!

1. A Christmas Story
Because this scene was priceless! Also because we all said the same thing when Ralphie kicked the snot out of that ugly ginger kid with the Davey Crockett raccoon hat. "Good on 'em! He was a little prick anyway"

Close runners up we're The Santa Clause *Too much Tim Allen*, Charlie Brown's Christmas *Too anti-climactic*, The Nightmare Before Christmas *Way too creepy but great animation*, and Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer - Claymation version *That little blond haired aspiring dentist gives me the cold shivers. I picture what the guy doing the voice over for that character looks like while he does that voice. And that to me friends, is just unsettling.....*

Thank you for joining us here at The Blog Town!

Goodnight and travel light!

Like Sand Through The Hour Glass, So Is Nubodys?

2008-11-18T23:06:00.010-05:00

Have you been to the gym lately? Probably not, and I understand why!

If exhausting yourself three days a week wasn't awesome enough, you also get to hang out in the same big room with people who exert every effort to try not to wave their arms frantically and scream "LOOK AT ME YA'LL!!!! OVER HERE!!!"

I joined the gym a few weeks back and am feeling pretty good about myself. I'm going in there, truffle shuffelin to my Ipod, and keeping to myself as I do my lifty lifts and pushy pushes.

Folks, I can't help but notice that there is structural damage to the facility due to the massive egos that fill the room.

Here's the people I've noticed so far:

The classic meat head who get's his big brother (the volunteer kind) to drop him off at the gym for 14 hours because there is nothing else in life he can complete from start to finish. Even counting their repetitions can prove to be difficult for these individuals.

The Cover Girl, who just got off of a circus photo shoot, sitting her unitard self on the very front elliptical machine, giving everyone Zoolanders "Blue Steel" look. But serves the pretty chicks a slight hint of bitch.

The Perfect 10 is the girl who has the nicest ass you've ever seen, the perkiest everything everywhere, all over herself. You'll notice that there will be at least 8 guys following her around the gym, and small scuffles break out when she hits the treadmill. You'd swear they were playing a game of musical treadmills.

The Sneaky Perve is the guy who obviously hasn't touched a weight ever in life, but simply just creeps around the gym, getting close enough to hot chicks that he can get a wiff of their lady speedstick, and then creep off somewhere else. He sits at machines, pretends to stretch, but he is really planning his next perv attack.

Hulk Hogan is the guy who seems to have extreme difficulty keeping quiet. This guy lifts a fairly impressive stack of weights, looks as if his head is about to explode-aroony because of the biggest poop in history, drops the whole stack so everyone hears, as he shakes it off and grunts like a bull in heat.

The Yoga Yoda is the lady who actually looks like Yoda.... Dead serious people..... It's not even really funny. It's kinda sad that she looks like a muppet :( Every day with a different 2 piece matching outfit. This 48 year old lady will use a machine for45 seconds as she looks around and scopes out the biggest group of men, then decides to break out some Yoga/ballet with a twist of unbalanced drunkiness right between them all. Her spandex.... too tight! How obvious it is that she needs more attention than a child raised on crack pancakes.... Extremely! How much I want to see her put her back out and admit "An alcoholic, I am"...... More than you'll ever know!!!

You get my drift here people.... This place truly cracks me up! I'd actually pay the yearly fee just to be able to enter this whole new planet with a new species of people just to watch them trying their little hearts out to be the most popular and sexiest mamma jamma at the gym.

If you read this and realize that you are one of these people, well..... You're a loser. Strongly consider making a drastic life change of some sort. Unless you're the Perfect 10. You can call me :P

Until next time,

Ewey

Do You Have A Face-Bully? Top Ten To Follow

2008-11-16T21:44:00.004-05:00

So it is written,

Jesus said, "Let there be Facebook!" And made it so....

....So we all got bitch slapped by the internet and signed up for a Facebook account.

Here's my predicament at the moment with Facebook. It's nothing against Facebook, but it's against someone I kinda knew 'back in the day, bye'.... Never hung out with this person

The reality of it all, and I guarantee that each and every one of you with a Facebook account knows this, is that you add someone that you never really thought much of, and they only added you because their own Facebook wall shows that you were a 'Faceclump Addy' ----> I'll explain that one in a minute.

At any rate Folks, I kept noticing these updates on this person fairly often on the Facebook News Feed. It got to me enough that I had to investigate it a little further. Yeah, I totally pulled a successful Facecreep on this poor soul, but purely to find ways of proving that this person is a complete liar about everything in their life. It actually turned into a soap opera for me and I found myself frequently keeping myself updated on their complete asinine stories. Just wishing more than anything in this ridiculous world that someone else is picking up on these fairy tales and wants to blurt out on their Facebook Wall, that I just made them a fresh pot of 'Liar stew!!!!!' And we used freshly diced 'Big Fat Liar peppers!!!!!' Sauteed in a sweet, but tangy 'You lie so much that you need to get off of Facebook and see a therapist almond oil sauce!!!!!!!!!!'

I know I probably won't, but I am tempted to Facebully this character. And I am 95% sure I will get nothing but support from people. I know Facebullying isn't right, but let's face it..... Some people just need to be put in their place :<> Including bonus material!!!

10. Facebully - One who picks on someone else's integrity and authenticity, via their Facebook Wall, so everyone can laugh at them and so they can be taught a harsh, but very real, life lesson.

9. Facecreep - One who frequently rummages through someone else's Facebook page to keep abnormal 'real time updates' on the status of their life. Also connected to Faceperve - People who say "I like it when you Facecreep me", and then proceed to send an eye winking emoticon, followed by a smoking gun emoticon.

8. Facef*ck - More frequently known as F*#k face, in the noncyber world.

7. Facerape - One who abuses the privileges of Internet, resulting in an overactive useage of popular websites such as Facebook. These individuals seem to 'get-off' in the delight of commenting on aaaaaabsolutely everyones Facebook wall & posted pictures.

6. Facechase - Similar to the popular, over used and out of date phrase 'phone tag', Facechase is when two friends have a long and exhausted conversation on each others walls so EVERYONE else can see.

5. Facedrama - When friends are making a big deal over insignificant, yet seemingly important personal issues, over Facebook. The more people involved, the juicier these Facedramas can become.

4. Facefreak - One who adds every single add-on program to their Facebook page so it takes someone else 3 years to scroll to the bottom. Statistics show that 95.7% of people don't actually click on these programs, to know more about you.

3. Faceslut - One who posts an excessive number of photos of themselves in promiscuous/provocative positions, starving for people to add comments such as "Wow! You look soooo hot on that leopard print rug"or "Lookin' goooood *wink wink*"

2. Faceplanter - One who consistently drops messages to their potential love interests stating the aforementioned statement but then add "So, wanna get together this weekend for a drink?"

1. Facequoter - One who spreads the word to others using a direct statement that is written in a third parties Facebook status. Example: "Tiffany won't sleep with you dude.... She's 'seeing her favorite guy... *wink wink*' in T-2 days'..... According to her Faceslut status"

Happy and safe Facebooking people!

Ewey

Obama-Rama!!! Change is Good

2008-11-04T23:16:00.007-05:00

Barrack Obama is the reigning champion! If you haven't been following the United States of America's elections, shame on you!

I won't get too much into political talk for your sake. It's one thing to talk politics, it's another to watch en exciting election on the tele.

Obama has really made a statement that has given hope, a plan for change, and a rejuvenated spirit to so many Americans. In a time where the world is in it's worst state, Americans want someone who can lead them into a better future. Under a roof that will keep them safe from the elements, walls that will keep them warm from the cold, and a front door that welcomes them outside to see a brighter day. Barrack Obama - Change is in your able hands.

What I found most intriguing, is the mixture of race, religion, and the point driven home that it isn't just a defining moment in history for African Americans, but a defining moment for all Americans. In my opinion, it feels more like a victory for blacks and whites.

Countless times throughout the victory speech, I saw so many white and black people crying together, laughing together, singing together, dancing together, and looking at each other, together, as Americans. I guess the beauty of it all is that they did this together! No barriers, no walls. Just people for a brighter, more peaceful future. People coming together to support a man who has enough guts & gusto to try and change an America that needs it more than anything else.

Good luck America, you're going to need it! But be grateful that you have a leader who has a clue.

I guess Change can be a good thing......

Ewey

No more Nice, Cool, Refreshing, Cigarettes :(

2008-11-03T00:23:00.006-05:00

I was always the first to say "Let's all enjoy and nice, cool, refreshing, cigarette." Now, it seems that those days are over and fresh air will rule my lungs.

For you all, I have charted my first day of non-smoking, complete with times and moods. And throughout this whole ordeal, I am astonished and partially sickened over how my mood can change from severe depression to the Incredible Hulk, in a matter of minutes.

My first day, I tried to go 'cold turkey.' I then realized that doing so had only made me the crankiest SOB, this side of the old water tower. I then proceeded to only have a smoke when I absolutely needed one. At the most, I had about 4 or 5 a day. But tomorrow, I feel that I am strong enough to not have any.

So, check out my mood calendar below and believe me, I am quite serious about the mood that follows the time. No joke to be had here folks! These are actual mood swings at their finest!

Enjoy!

Ewey

9:30 - Driving to work, feeling pretty confident about not having a smoke.
9:35 - Grab my morning Tim Horton's large double double
9:36 - Wishing I had a smoke to go with my coffee
9:37 - Contemplating going to buy a pack
9:39 - Rubbing my four o clock shadow, hoping that that will take the craving away
9:42 - Rubbing my face is not working
10:00 - Realizing that I am a weak man and all I can do is whisper 'Fu*k' to anything that gets in my way
10:49 - My hands are shaking, more than normal.
10:51 - I want to hit things for no reason
11:33 - I'm actually somewhat calm and clear headed at this point. I'm gonna make it after all!
11:48 - I want to physically harm people for absolutely no reason
12:30 - I've chewed 3 pens to the point of no return
12:54 - I've eaten lunch and really want the after lunch smoke more than anything in the world
2:32 - I'm calm again and feel like I CAN do this
2:47 - I'm weeping in my office with the door locked
3:22 - I hate everyone
4:13 - This emotional roller coaster has me thinking I need psychiatric help
4:34 - Cravings aren't as bad now. I think I'll be alright.... Right?

Halloween/Birfday Celebrations!!!

2008-10-26T22:40:00.019-04:00

Firstly, I would like to thank everyone for the Birthday wishes. Turning twenty-seven hasn't really bothered me and I don't feel much older nor do I feel scared that thirty is just three years away. I had a great weekend with friends and family and managed to swindle a few photos from the weekend. Geoff and Jennie had their annual Halloween party that I flew to. It was a great turnout and the Tooth fairy was drunskee! Check out the pics below and have a larf at them. And one more thing..... I have decided to quit smoking as soon as I finish this blog and I will keep you all posted on my success, day by day, as I go through hell.....

Let us begin

If this pic was a video, you'd see that I was breaking out some NKOTB dance manouvers

The Tooth fairy found a Storm Trooper helmut just lying around!

You're not hallucinating! I'm breaking it down one time with Dog the Bounty Hunter and Jem

Evidently I glow green when I try and throw some hot moves on witches

At some point, I grew breasts and had to show Ma

This pic was taken shortly after my spectacular defence skillz with Dog the BH. in the front yard

No contest! I am the ultimate sneak in Master

And again! I am actually fluttering my wings to hover above Elvis and Jem

Evidently, I glow a nice golden color when it's time to rest my wings

All in all, it was a fantastic weekend! Friday night consisted of mucho drinking, partying with Kevin, 6 strange girls in the back of a car snapping pics underneath my kilt, and convincing myself that there is nothing wrong with that.

Saturday was the Slaun-Ewerts Halloween party where I was groped, molested, drunk and abused. One girl kept pulling her pants down for me without me even having to ask. I partied with some awesome friends and fam, shot laser beams, kept Dog the BH from going back to a Mexican prison, and made out with a witch that turned out to be one-hundred yards of plastic wrap.

And today, a relaxed recovery day, spent with the family, having a big supper, blowing out candles, finishing the night off with a tea run to Timmy Ho Ho's with Kara, a blog, and my last cigarette as I type this last little bit. *BTW, living turkeys *the gobble gobble kind* are quite possibly the most disgusting creatures on the face of the earth.

Once again, I thank you all for a great weekend and all of your love and support. And also, the endless amounts of hilarious adventures to blog about!

Keep checking in for my up to date progress on my battle with being smoke free!

As I put down my lighter and give up these things
These white little smokes, and the joys they can bring
They've calmed down my nerves and have been a good friend
Ten bucks a pack, but this is the end

An end to the coughing, the wheeze and the hack
No smokes after sex as I lye on my back
I'll miss all the moments we've shared in my fight

Goodbye little friends, goodbye and goodnight

Lost Cat in Clayton Park? He is now a Ninja Kitty!

2008-10-19T12:39:00.013-04:00

Get this folks!

I'm driving home today, just loving the nice fall weather. Smiling and waving at the old people walking on the sidewalk, just to see them stop dead in their tracks, make the "I just poopied in my diaper" look, and watch them do a 180 as you drive by.... Leaving them wondering who the fark was waving at them.

If that didn't amuse me enough, I saw this huge yellow sign that screamed at me.... It said "LOST CAT!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!"

The sign didn't actually scream aaaaahhh! but it was most defiantly implied.

In between this sign was a little picture of the lost fur ball.

This would be the time to let you all know that I have an issue with cats. They don't like me and I sure as hell don't like them! I've gotten better over the years to the point where I can be aware that someone has one in their home.... Somewhere.... Just waiting to pounce out like a stealthy ninja who will slice your throat, drop a smoke bomb, flip out through the chimney, and be drinking herbal tea with his ninja buddies as you fall over wondering what the hell just happened. Cats man..... Cats.....

Anyway, fat chance of ever seeing your cat again! Once you lose your cat in Clayton Park, you're fudged dude..... Super fudged!

There's a whole cat cult out here. They're like little British punks, who play chicken when you're driving, and come out at night to sniff catnip before they meet up with the raccoons to raid a dumpster behind the apartment buildings. It's crazy man! Once you lost whiskers, it's over. I'm sorry that you're kid is crying and outside frantically looking for him. But it's over....

If you're kid isn't bright enough, go buy another cat.... If they are, then don't waste your money on a neon billboard saying you lost your cat. That's just stupid! Explain to little Billy that sometimes cats just don't like him and want to go and spray their wizz all over the other cats, then mate All night long.... All night.... All night.... All night long.... All night..... <----( A 1983 hit single for Lionel Richie) They're intent, I've found out from talking to Little Big Hoof, a local deer grazing through a patch of grass on Langbrae, is to create enough ninja cat warriors to take over the planet and fill the Grand Canyon with yarn balls. And don't think they're not planning this either. Cats are up to something... I know it, and now little Billy knows it.

At any rate, while you guys are throwing out signs to retrieve your lost cat, *and BTW - you're lost, cold, hungry, little Mr. Kitty Whiskurz, is having such a wicked time with his new cat clan that he's already forgotten about you. besides, he would only take the first opportunity to leap 64 stories, land on all fours, and run back to the ninja training camp, and tell the other cats about how much he hates you and the little bell you strap around his neck at Christmas.

Sorry for your loss though. You have my deepest sympathies and a big fat reality check :?

Goodnight and safe cat dodging,

Ewey

IMPORTANT NEWS BULLETIN: Paris Hilton still smells like 'awful'!

2008-10-16T01:33:00.016-04:00

This is a serious message to you folks. Way more serious than clubbing seals or our diminishing ozone layer. Open your ear flaps and say this with me!

Paris Hilton makes me want to murder innocent care bears!

I knew she had a new show, but never had the chance to learn about what it was. That all changed tonight as I watched it against my own free will. Even though I will never get those precious moments of my life back, I learned a valuable lesson. That lesson today, my dear friends, is that you should never let the burning passion to hate someone with every ounce of life you have left in you, fade away.

If you're not aware and aren't a frequent Blogtown follower, then you need to sit down, get a pen and paper, and start taking notes. I promise, you'll live a better life through the wisdom of my articulate passages in the Eweys Blogtown column.

I posted about Paris before and stated, in a roundabout way, that she makes me so angry that I lie underneath my coffee table naked, and cry myself to sleep.

A credible source revealed that her fingers are so long that Harrison Ford asked her to be his whip in the new Indiana Jones movie. Paris had no comment when we asked her if these allegations were true. Between scratching her 'Frenchy's franchise' and trying to stumble her way through a Robert Munch story book for ages 5 through 8, Paris obviously had her plate full.

Her new show is another reality show about finding a new best friend, because her and Nicole Richie aren't friends anymore.

Like, 8 people are sucking the crabs right off of her dark matter telling her how amazing she is, and want nothing more in life than to be her best friend. And at the end of the day, Paris just gives the people she doesn't like, the axe!

Does anyone else see how INSANE this is?!?!?!

One of the people trying to be her best friend actually said in the show tonight... Get this....

"My outfit was totally more grammatically correct for the occasion"

Read that a few times just to let it sink in. It makes absolutely no sense at all!!!! Grammatically correct???

Paris has the education of a Sheepapoodle who just failed it's first class on how to sit.

Her embarrassing attempts to have some sort of worldly knowledge makes me so mad that I want to puck people in the head for no reason and kick away old peoples walking canes!

She has the feet of an Olympic swimmer, hands that E.T. would die for, and a frame that has to be tied down when it's gusty outside.

Paris Hilton, for this time and this time only, it is OK to just quit at life. Give up and go for a long swim. Stay away from everything and everyone. Go back to school and get learned up. Before you know it, you'll be done middle school and you can work towards a high school diploma.

You're debut CD sold about 75 copies, and those we're presents from grandparents who literally hate their Grandchildren. And that's not even a fraction of how many Grandparents hate their Grandchildren in the world.

You know what is really hot? The burning in your mangrove bushes Paris! Gold bond isn't going to get rid of that one hunny. It's gonna take a team of 5 scientists, 2 pressure washers, a plastic surgeon, 3 priests, and a bottle of CLR to rid you of your issues down under.

That is all!

Reporting the truth,

Ewey

50 replies (Ewey style) when she asks you stupid questions

2008-10-08T22:50:00.007-04:00

Here it is folks!

In case you didn't read my last post, this crazy woman thought these we're cool questions to ask your boyfriend. Guys, if you actually answer your significant others questions this way... Congratulations! You're a free man! She'll dump you faster than you can slam down a powerthirst drink

Girls, please don't ever ask these questions unless it's a life and death situation. And even then, don't expect the right answer.

Here we go!

1) If you were a geometric shape what would you like to be? I'd be a circle so I could roll my ass on out of here.

2) Would you like to have more relationships in the same time? If you're talking about a threesome, I think that's a good road to go down sweetheart.

3) If you were a bird or an animal what would you like to be? I'd be a chameleon, so you couldn't see me walk out on your ass.

4) Do you like love games like master – slave, doctor – patient, teacher – student? Ok ok, that actually sounds alright to me....

5) Which is the song you can associate with my image? Jump by Kriss Kross -(1992)

6) We are at a party and you see a nice girl but you don’t have the opportunity to talk to her. What do you do to make her aware that you like her, without hurting me? I say 'excuse me while I go talk to that better girl over there in the cool section'.

7) You meet by chance a girl friend of mine at the disco. She is very happy and she is flirting with you. What are you doing? I'm doing my best disco truffle shuffle with her, right out the door to a cab and back to her place.

8) I discovered you telling a lie to me. How do you react? I tell you another lie and hope this one sticks.

9) We are together at night, in the mountains, in a remote forest house. Will you wear pajamas? Wouldn't even bring them because I'd plan on leaving as soon as you fell asleep.

10) Would you like to perform a strip-tease number for me? If I give you 50 bucks, would you strip for me, and then leave?

11) You are alone in my house. What will you do? Eat your food, take your booze, and if you're lucky, I'll complicate the plumbing in your en suite.

12) What would you cook for me? Pedigree

13) Would you like to tattoo my skin for you? I get to tattoo your skin? Do you speak Italian? Good... I'll tattoo 'pazzo' right here on your forehead.....

14) Would you like me to wear all the time mini skirt or to have a generous neck opening? Oh, you mean dress like a street walker! Yes, of course!

15) What would you like to change about myself? The ridiculous questions you ask me silly Susan!

16) When will you declare your eternal love for me? When I burn in Hell.

17) What should I have to love me forever? A hot body, lots of money, and quiet vocal chords.

18) Do you have the patience to come with me when I’m buying a dress? Absolutely not....

19) Can you make friends easily? Yes, but evidently I choose the wrong ones.

20) How can you describe yourself in a sentence? I can run really really fast.

21) Would you like to spend a night with me in the forest? Still on the forest trip? OK, but let me grab beer, friends, and the Coors Light chicks first.

22) What would you do if a bear came up to you and we were together in the forest? Holy sheep nuts Dora the Explorer! Let's just say the bear would be picking crazy out of his teeth while I was wiping crazy off of my hands....

23) How can you imagine that forest with bears and a girl who needs your help? You talk like a 3 year old, and Superman couldn't save everyone.

24) What flowers would you like to offer me? The cheapest ones I can find.

25) If you saw a field full of flowers would you pick a lot of them for me? A lot? No. One or two, probably not.

26) What would you do if we are on the beach and a lot of other girls are there top less and they are friendly with you? Greet them with a honk and a hand shake, then play some volleyball!

27) What kind of horses would you like riding? What kind of bags do you like packing?

28) Which is your favorite childhood hero? Voltron because he'll laser beam your ass to Venus for asking stupid questions.

29) Do you like to describe what you see in the clouds? I see Jesus in the clouds. He says 'run fast my son, run fast....'

30) Would you like to write an adventure novel about us? Absolutely not.

31) Do you tell your friends what we are doing together? Naw sweetie, they can see it all on my live streaming web cam every night.

32) Would you like to build a sand castle with me on the beach? Can I build a mote and push you in it?

33) Would you like to have a bath with me with pink and yellow rose petals? I guess that's OK, but only if I can throw in my toy boats and action figures.....

34) Would you like to have a glass of champagne with me? I'd need a lot more than a glass to help me pull through it all.

35) Would you like to make love to me on the carpet, in front of a fireplace? Can I finish the bottle of cham-pag-nee first?

36) Would you like to be able to repair my computer? If by computer, you mean brain... Then yes. I do believe you have some viruses and your processor isn't running at full capacity.

37) Can you tell me in a few seconds what is a brick useful for? With enough bricks, they can sink people.

38) Would you like to be together characters in a SF movie? Only if SF stands for Sexual Fantasy movies.

39) Would you like to spend our honeymoon on a remote island? "AAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!"

Oops! That is not fun anymore! You should never ask your boyfriend a question related to marriage. So let’s go on… *Good call Sue Johanson*

40) Can you find easily 10 words rhyming with pencil? I'm leaving you...... stencil. That's one!

41) Are you able to explain what have I dreamt last night? As a matter of fact yes. My cousin Reveen taught me how to do that. You dreamt that all you wanted to do was make me sandwiches.

42) Do you consider yourself a happy person because you’ve met me? I'm happy because I met hard liquor.

43) Do you like answering questions to kids? I only answer to Chuck Norris baby.

44) Would you like to imagine that I am a black panther and you are a poor hunter? So, you are in a Marxist/Maoist African-American organization established to promote black power and self-defense, and I suck at hunting?

45) Would you like to give me my breakfast in bed? How about breakfast on the front porch?

46) Can you imagine making love to me and eating strawberries and grapes? Make it Doritos and beer and you've got yourself a deal!

47) Will you feed me with them? Get your own snacks lady!

48) What would you do if you were Robinson Crusoe? Get lost on an uninhabited island again.

49) What kind of music would you like to listen to with me? Contemporary pornography ballads.

50) Do you think that we have met before, in another life? Only if it was an arranged marriage that there was no possible way of getting out of.

There you go! Hope you had a laugh or a chuckle. If you're offended, please send complaints to bottleyourfeelings@fakemail.com

From all of us here at Eweys Blogtown,

Goodnight and big balls!

Fun Questions to Ask Your Boyfriend? Huh? Hellz no!

2008-10-07T00:56:00.005-04:00

Hi again everyone!

My buddy Tom sent me a link to a website about questions to ask your boyfriend. And no, he isn't gay. I asked that question as well when I realized he was on a website that discussed questions you ask your boyfriend. But Tom, if you secretly are, it should be safe to come out nowadays. Someone will probably throw you a partay or something.... and you can drink appletinis until you just die of excitement.

Anyway...... I did find the humor in this because if a chick asked me any of these questions, I'd probably ask if she was mentally stable, and if she continued, I'd wait until she went to the bathroom, and then I'd take some awesome food out of her fridge and then leave forever! But never smack a woman! Even though this man seems to enjoy it and the woman looks turned on, it's still not right.....

The woman who wrote these questions down is obviously delusional and suffers from "I dont know my ass from my elbow".

Are these questions you wished he'd ask you? Do you even have a boyfriend? Are you one of those neurotic women who tell your friends and family about your boyfriend Rico, who is soooo great and amazing, but no one ever see's him because you just made him up so you don't seem like a complete loser?

I bet I'm close.... It's because of people like you that the divorce rate is sky rocketing and men usually die before women!

Please men and women, give me your feed back on these questions. I'd love to know what both sexes think!

Click here and read these doozies ---------> Awesome questions that will make your boyfriend hate you and think about poisoning your morning frappuccino!

Stay tuned because after you read the questions, I'll blog my response to each question.

i-Pods & Dragon Flies?

2008-09-26T22:00:00.006-04:00

Hey again folks!

OK! This is such a queer story and I don't mean in the gay way. I'm talking super messed up queer! So I'm out today to business depot to pick up some stationary supplies for my office, and I'm like 'shizzypizzles! I need Cd's to record music on!'

So I saunter over to the '73(hn0 933k' section. That means 'techno geek' in geek terms.

And I really did saunter too. No need to rush....

I just wanted cheapest Cd's because I'm burning something for someone else. And before you say 'oh, what a cheapo', think about this! You'd do it too! If you're asking someone else to burn something for you, it's assumed that you're getting crap ass Cd's anyway. It's like an unwritten rule.

So, I get my Cd's along with my stationary. And I love my stationary! Who doesn't? Think about it! Stationary products do some of the coolest shizz ever! It's all so simple but amazes people. Stupid name for cool office supplies if you ask me. Stationary products are all over the place, far from stationary really. Oh this will be fun!

Here's my top 5, for new names for stationary products, as follows:

1. Yeah right?

2. No way?

3. What the fu*%?

4. Holy crab nuts!

5. Check this shizz out!

Now, I know every single one of you have said at least one of those top 5 when you saw some mind blowing stationary. Stationary that sharpens a pencil, trims your nails, mists your face, dispenses a pez candy, and shoots laser beams at co-workers you don't like, all while complimenting your posture and charming looks. It's out there man, it's out there.....

Anyway, I saw an i-Pod on sale, and I'm the only person in the world who doesn't have one and I thought I'd treat myself to something. Because statistics show that shiny nonsense, material things, and money, actually DO make people happy.

So I get back to the office and whip it out! Then I grabbed my i-Pod out of the bag and plugged it in to my computer. You may be wondering what the first thing I whipped out is..... It's not what you think, dirty people. I was doing my whip dance. It's a combo between rocking it out and whipping stuff. Try it sometime. It's fun!

I whipped it back in it's holster and sat down. Grabbed my Cd's and realized that the tops of them were covered in record vinyl. A cute gimmick, yes. But then it all hit me, like an 84 year old woman hits a German Sheppard and keeps going because she didn't even notice in the first place.

So, I sat there with Cd's that looked like records, holding an i-Pod, plugged into my computer, all atop my 20 year old desk in a 914 year old building. I was really confused and astonished all at once and decided that I needed to do something about this immediately!

I went outside and had a smoke, and few sips of of my green tea and thought for a moment.

Unfortunately, my thoughts turned into chasing a dragonfly across the street, and that was the end of that!

Moral of the story you ask? See a doctor about your attention deficit disorders before it gets so bad that you can't focus long enough to make the appointment.

Until next time,

Ewey

Oh yeah, I almost forgot! Speaking of disorders.... I found this pic on the internet. What's up with this kid? And the man with his trousers down? Just imagine actually being there, the moment the picture was taken and think about how messed up that moment is. But on a brighter note, that kid is a legend!!!! Bwahahaha

Do You Have Super Powers?

2008-09-23T21:34:00.013-04:00

I won't get into details, but a new show has crossed my path that I never had the chance to watch before. I really mean that too. The show is called 'Heroes'. I've never seen the show on tv before. And yes, I do have cable. Here is the quick premise of the show ..... "Heroes," an epic drama that chronicles the lives of ordinary people who discover they possess extraordinary abilities.

And yes, I did copy and paste that :p

I knew for a few days that the season premiere came and went and didn't think much of it. But my friend Kara said it was amazing and I have to watch it. Big ups by the way! Cool show most def. So, I recapped the season premiere on the website and had an excuse to watch it. I have full blown withdrawls because 24 isn't on yet and I've been waiting forever for it to come back, so I need a new show to bide me some time. Turns out that heroes is awesome and there are so many wicked and hilarious super powers.

Anyhoo, I watched it it was great and I'll definatly watch the rest of the season and possibly illegally download the previous seasons, just to break the law..... Cause that's how I roll in this town.

At any rate, this all brings me to the question, are we capable of super powers? If you happen to know an answer to this question, call me for real! I would really love to know how I can get mine. That would just be delicious!

And I'm not talking useless super powers like, 'I can stick a Q-tip 3 inches into my ear canal' or 'I can understand what dolphins are saying when they dolphiquack to me'.

I'm talking 'Last night I ate Taco Bell. An Hour later I farted so hard.... I messed up all the planets orbit around the sun, and now... technically, it's really 11:30 pm and not 9:46 am'.... or 'I can make my breasts grow bigger'. That one is my favorite.

Now I'm not sure if girls tried to immitate She-Ra or Wonder Woman and their super powers, but I as a young lad, tried to physically accomplish the super power after I saw it done by the original super hero.

I tried to fly first of all.... Well, first with an umbrella like Mary Poppins just to see if it was cool before I tried it like Superman. I'm not that stupid. I've tried to be invisible, i've tried to transform into something that was awesome. Turns out it worked! I'm cool because I have my own blog. All of this brings me to.... Star Wars! Bare with me here girls! For real..... You may learn a little something about how much of a boy is in your man.

Now guys, I don't care who you are, how old you are, or what religion you are. After you watch Star Wars, if you don't atleast think about it, you try it.

That's right. You try to move shit too.... Don't even deny it. I know every one of you have atleast tried to move something with your hand, or waved your hand in front of someones face and say ' These aren't the droids you're looking for'.

It's true. All men want to have "The Force". And yes, partly because it'd be so unbelievably cool to be able to say 'May The Force be with you', nod your head, smirk, grab your light saber and bust outta there in a super cool way!

Anyway, you think of your super power and I'll share with you what mine would be, if it could be just one thing.

I would have the ability...... To allow people the ability to burp bubbles that flash like strobe lights in an absorbent array of colors that get brighter the more drunk the person is.

Those would be the funniest parties... Picture it..... "Hey, check out Billy's bubbles man! He's wasted!" hahaha

Until next time,

I'm Ewey

Check Yo Laces!

2008-09-21T22:06:00.008-04:00

Hey folks!

I thought I'd share this with you all. An old man told me this story the other day. He used a few numbers and fractions which made no sense, and I felt the need to solve for 'x' after he was done, but this is the message that I believe he was trying to get across.

So the story goes:

Over time, each step a man takes will stretch his shoe ever so slightly. Little by little, everyday, the laces will stretch and will no longer be even. Not even like they are when you first put that new shoe on your foot.

Many men will watch the laces get more uneven as the days and weeks go by, struggling to tie their shoe with one long lace and one very short stub of a lace. These are the men who do their best to pull on the short one, hoping that you can make it longer without breaking the lace. The problem is never solved and only given a temporary fix to be only bearable.

Other men take the time to not let this 'loafer lace syndrome' become a morning fixture day after day. These men will actually take the time to pull the laces out and make the two ends even, once again.

But the really smart will take the designated 're lace session' time, and remember when he first put those shoes on and took his first step, where those shoes have taken him thus far, and where he wants those shoes to take him until the laces are dry and frayed and the tired soles are too worn to manage.

Think about how far you've come, where you are, and let every step in your shoes and even laces, be one step closer to where you want to go.

Nice story.... I know. I'm the one who decided to relay it on to you. Personally, I always have my laces even, only because I have huge obsessive compulsive issues and everything needs to have a balance or bad things happen!

After I read this, I made it a point to check my laces again. They were pretty damn even, but I still unlaced them and started from the beginning. The only bad part is that all I could think of at the time is that I am fairly certain, that amidst my downtown adventure last night, full of happy fun punch, I'm sure that I stepped in something with a poo like consistency and tried to wipe it off on a building, a tree, a different building, and finally..... some poor schmucks bicycle petal. Worked quite well to be honest. Hopefully he didn't have to get pissed at his shoe laces that morning and come out to a wad of unspeakable matter on his bike petal. Hahahaha!

Remember folks! Chin up, shoulders back, chest out, aaaaand walk.......

Peace!

Ewey

I'm back!!!! Top 21 anyone?

2008-08-14T20:13:00.012-04:00

Holy Crapolies, I'm back!

Now that's what I call a sabbatical! Many apologies for my absence but much has happened since my last post... I've been busy.... I've been living.... I've been dreaming!

I've been listening for new tunes to keep up to date on my music knowledge and I came across a song by Jason Mraz that I thought would be cool to play.

What did I do, you ask? I'll tell you what I did...... I You tubed it! Just like you would.... I know you would.... I watch you...............(awkward pause)............................. Just kidding.... *eeek*

Anyhoo! I saw this version come up on the side screen, clicked on it, and laughed the jiggle out of my ass! I, of all people, should know that it's a learning process and you only get better with practice, but get real people! If you're going to post a video of yourself butchering a song until it bleeds from every orifice , make sure it's good because people will slaughter you out there!!! You wonder why half of the kids today are begging for antidepressants......

Read the steps and watch the video.

Step 1: Click on the link and watch this video.

Step 2: Draw your own conclusion on the kids attempt at the song.

Step 3: Read some of the comments that we're said about the video that are listed below.

What I am attempting to do, is fully go through all 672 comments and find the funniest 21!

I hope you all enjoy this as much as I do! I'm sure it's cruel to a certain extent but let's face it. We all laugh hard enough to blow beer out of our nose when we see some dude get nailed in the balls by a tennis ball attached to a string. or a runway model who keeps falling down.... over and over..!

But hey! How can we become better people if we can't learn to laugh at our own mistakes and humiliations....? And to a more exciting degree, other peoples mistakes and humiliations. :P

My personal comment comes at the end of the the original comment in (parenthesis)

Enjoy folks! It's good to be back....

Love forevs!

Ewey

COMMENTS:

1. You thought you'd instantly be perfect?
Relax, you're doin good.
Keep practicing, keep posting,
and we'll keep listening and applauding! ----> My comment----> (That was a little motivating)

2. your a good singer but the uku le le sorta made it worse no offense but your a great singer :) (This is a bit harsher I think)

3. Your a good singer.
the ukelele kinda ruined it. (Getting a bit worse now)

4. Your grammar is horrible. (HERE COMES THE SHIT STORM)

5. tang inang shet!! walang ya ka!! (race slandering)

6. your hot (There's always a pot smoking loser who says "you're hot")

7. kingkhan u are nasty. ( Kingkhan is the girl singning, nasty is what she is said to be)

8. :( ... (I guess this persons comment is short and to the point)

9. blah blah blah...weak uke. (hahahaha!)

10. PLEASE TUNE THE UKULELE!!!! pLEASE!!!! (Bwahahahahaha)

11. ur double ponytails didnt make up ur aweful singing (Awe, that was kind of mean now)

12. Ehhh, i'm not digging the ukele . it makes you sound like shit. BUT you cute(: (You suck but you're cute? Real smooth Romeo)

13. i feel bad for the ukelele. your strumming it too hardd. im surprise the strings ddnt break (This guy feels worse for the ukulele than for her performance)

14. I think you need to learn this song a little better (I agree most definatly)

15. Ack, please tune before making a vid, and don't change the speed in the middle of the song randomly, also don't strum so hard, you might want to use your fingers. (A guy so disguisted with the performance, he goes all conductor like on her)

16. the ukelele sounds funny... (it sure does billy, it suuuuuurrrre does.....)

17. this is bollocks (i see this video made it over seas to the UK)

18. akward... (for everyone invloved in recording and watching this video)

19. Good singer but fuck the ukulele (brilliant)

20. Your uke sounds out of tune ^ ^try learning to sweep (Who needs dreams anyhow?)

21. you are so best on sing!!! (Asian much?)

Santa's Top 20 Shit List...... Are you on it?

2007-11-29T19:26:00.000-05:00

As some of you may know, I am privy to Santa's naughty and nice list. I know I know, you think Santa isn't real, but I happen to know he is! And yes, you can see him to..... He lives on the lower parking level in the Halifax Shopping Center. I know it isn't glamorous, but he said it's only temporary until Donner and Vixen get off the crack and get back to the sled.

Anyway, let me see his naughty list. It actually said shit list, and kinda smelled like urine. No, I think it was shit. At any rate, here are the people on it and why. Take a gander and have a merry Christmas!

Santa's Shit List

1. Brittany Spears - Horrible at life, doing K-Fed, and having two kids and ruining their lives before they even know it.

2. Jonathan Wilson - For leaving Halifax to go to Toronto, and for using the 'smoke bomb' catch phrase way too much.

3. Paris Hilton - For giving Santa herpes, and for whipping me with her extra long man hand fingers.

4. RJ Redden - Taking off to England selfishly to have kinky fun with British chicks.

5. Seal - For being ugly and having a hot wife.

6. Jonny Allen - For taxing people on their loans and portraying Santa in a humiliating way at Christmas parties. Also, flashing his dingle berries randomly.

7. Morgan Freeman - For being hideously and disgustingly awesome in everything!

8. Edward Nieuwenhuis - For having a stimulating conversation with Ewey and allowing him to miss the exit to the airport, in turn missing his flight to Toronto.

9. David Hasselhoff - For being a drunk.

10. The Hoffs daughter - For allowing us to see the Hoff eat a burger.

11. Stephanie Pelley - For smashing Ewey with a frying pan, brain washing him like Zoolander, and making it impossible for him to dump her ass.

12. Donna Pelley - For making Ewey realize that she would make a better wife than Stephanie.

13. Tom Cruise - No explanation necessary.

14. Maria Sharapova - For turning on millions of men while she plays tennis.

15. Jennifer Love Hewitt - For letting her ass become larger than Ricki Lakes.

16. Kevin Zwicker - For ripping off songs from his friend, and claiming that they are his.

17. Mrs. Clause - For not pleasuring Santa in 648 years. Bitch!

18. Rudolph - For making Santa believe that his bulbous red nose could get me through a snow storm. Freakin' liar!

19. Jeff Lauzier - For breaking into the Grawood kitchen and eating roast beef and veggies.

20. Ewey - For breaking hundreds of ladies hearts by taking himself off of the market. Smoke Bomb!

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL, AND TO ALL A GOOFSDSAN BLURGHENFROOTHIN!

So, it's my birthday

2007-10-25T16:26:00.000-04:00

So, it's my birthday and I'm be the ripe age of 26 today. Evidently it's my cham-pag-nee birthday. That means 'champagne' for people who don't speak stupid. I'm 26 on the 26th day.

My plans, you ask? I believe that I'll be heading to Sambro to be with the Ewert clan, have some drinkies, and head back home because Vanessa is bringing her sweet self to see me. She classes it as a "business trip," but we all know she's coming to be with me. So, what happens after that, I don't know.

I like to keep things as simple as possible, but as I get older, I find it more important to get together with family and friends to spend some quality time with them.

I do plan on getting quite shmamzered and hung over, so I'll keep water and Advil close by. When you think about it, in those kind of times, they are the only friends you can really count on to be there for you. Sure, they won't hold your hair back while you heave chunks in the gravel parking lot across from the Ale House, and they won't stop you from trying to take home the fugliest chick at the gonorrhea bar, but they will hydrate you and make it almost ok to see natural sunlight. We've all had the dream where we are making out with a hot chick and suddenly its ok to stop and drink a 13 liter jug of chocolate milk.

At any rate, Thanks for all the birthday wishes everyone. It means a lot and I'm happy and privileged to have such great friends.

Signing off,

Good Ole Ewey

Blue Is Dead!

2007-10-12T16:07:00.000-04:00

Blue Is Dead!

Blue, age 2 years 3 months (412 in human years) survived by his roommates, the late minnows #1,2,3, and 4, his care takers Stephanie and Christopher, and his awesome colored rock.

Blue died from a disease called dropsy. No donations necessary, unless you want to give me cash. Funeral commenced immediately after time of death. Please pay respects next time you flush your toilette.

May your fins always flap
May your color stay Blue
You shall swim in the Heavens
I'm sure gonna miss you

R.I.P. ole' buddy

The Update

2007-09-26T15:25:00.000-04:00

Hey there folks!

Sorry for being an inactive blogger as of late. It's been a very busy and hectic few months.

I left the Grawood finally and took on a new role as the operations manager and partial owner of the Noodle Nook restaurant on Blowers Street. I'm 2 months into it now and its going really well. If any of you are hungry for some noodles, stop by anytime. www.noodlenook.com

Anyhoo, I had to separate the bunnies b/c they tried to kill each other. It's a big long testicle story that I won't bore you with, but summed up, I know a little fur ball that's going to lose his T-berries.

My little boy Blue (fish) , is on the fritz! He apparently has a fish disease called dropsy. His belly is swollen and his scales are flared out like pine cones. He has a few days to live.
I always had it in my head that I couldn't wait for him to go, but now I feel horrible. He is actually dying and I feel like a massive prick! Now I hover over his bowl and tell him it's going to be ok and I love him. Yeah yeah, I'm a softy.

On to more exciting things

Has anyone else noticed that a lot of sports channels have lowered their resolution and started pumping up the High Definition commercials? I guess their greasy tactic is to make people believe that the resolution was always that shitty and that buying high definition will solve the problem. What a bunch of pricks pulling such a stupid scam. HD looks fantastic, but it is only a little better than regular definition, and much better than their scam of lowering the resolution. Burns me!!!!!

Speaking of sports, the Halifax Commons is in a state isn't it? No, I'm not talking about the lame soccer they play on it, I'm talking about people getting their asses robbed. Who needs the television when you can live in my building and watch people get mugged and stabbed from your balcony?

For real! If 911 gave people money for calling in the ass beatings, I could be a very rich man! But in all honesty, if you're walking anywhere near the commons when the sun goes down, you're pretty much asking to get mugged. Some people are just simply stupid! How many people have to get stabbed and beaten until you start to think that the Commons might not be safe? Think about it for a second...... Ok, there ya go! The answer should be just one, or maybe two. But that's it!

Anyway, I'll be back soon with some exciting shizz!

Love,

Ewey

Newfoundland vacay on hold!?!?!?

2007-06-29T23:07:00.000-04:00

Ok, life lesson # 2874. Always call ahead to the airport to see if flights are on time.

Steph and I scrambled all day to get our shizz together so we can leave on time for our flight to Newfoundland. I took the day off of work, as did Stephanie, and we packed, cleaned and got the bunners ready for Erika and Mom to take care of them for 9 days,

Anyhoo, we get all the way to the airport and turns out that the fog is so thick in St. Johns, that the Moose are mistaking black bears for lovers. In conclusion, our flight was canceled until Sunday!

I'm just a bit bitter that I spent the last week scrambling to get so much done for today, and today left us back home in Halifax.

Maybe it was meant to be I suppose. Maybe I was meant to be here for Jonny A's birthday celebration? Or maybe Steph's sister, Donna, would have hugged me so hard when I got there, my head would have popped off like a dandelion.

So, it looks like we'll be leaving on Sunday if the moose stop shagging the grizzlies.

I'm a bit happy because I wasn't thrilled on taking the little Air Canada crap jet to Gander.

I'll be back in a week or so with some riveting pictures of Newfoundland and me being wasted with hamburgurzzz hanging off my face like Hasselhoff.

Stay tuned for more Ewey's blog town!

Always,

Ewey

Facebook Hot or Not?

2007-06-21T15:20:00.000-04:00

I just added up the amount of people I have as friends on facebook, and evidently I know 313 people.... How the hell do I know this many people.

You'll be glad to know that I'm not one of those 'facebook stalkers' that tread through everyones friends, comments on every single thing, and can easily spend at least 4 hours on facebook in one sitting. I know these people and I'll say it right now. You suck, you have no life, and you need a significant other!

The sad thing is I don't talk to most of these people, nor do I see them on a regular basis. Some of the people on my friends list are people I don't really care about and I think are dip shits. If you're offended by what I jut said, chances are that it doesn't apply to you. Don't worry. I just hate the fact that someone thought enough to add me, but I don't think enough of them to want to know they exist.

Facebook to me is either a huge guilt trip, a way to extend to others that you are lonely and looking for love, a way to show off that you have 4 billion friends, a way to show everyone that you are a huge slut with 15 albums of you grabbing yourself and licking your lips, or a way to let everyone know that this is how many people you've hooked up with/how slutty you are.

If you're all of the above, you're prolly a facebook stalker.

It is a great way to keep in touch with friends and give people a real time update about what time you got off the toilette.

I keep my facebook account somewhat updated, and do enjoy looking for an old friend here and there. I also appreciate seeing some other peoples friends to see if I know them, and maybe catch a message here or there, purely for the sake of making fun of someone afterwards.

Other than that, facebook is getting out hand by all of this hot or not crap. I'm sure everyone wants to be classified as hot, but facebook is tugging on peoples heart strings and making people insecure.

I've been troubled lately by thinking it'd be a good idea to close out my account because it's all getting out of hand and I'm losing friends to the hands of the facebook stalker phenomena. I'm just very tired of getting all of these emails saying that 'this person want you to check out this awesome horoscope thing, hot or not, or you're invited to this event on the other side of the world.'

A big congrats goes out to the facebook team for cashing in on lonely/insecure people.

But for me, I'll keep my facebook account simplistic and free of add-ons that scream "I'm insecure and need other insecure freaks to comfort me."

That's it for now zombies!

Love,

Ewey

I'm leaving on a crappy jet plane!

2007-06-18T22:31:00.000-04:00

Yeah, that's right! A crappy jet plane!

For my summer vacay, i'm heading off to Newfoundland once again with Steph. It's not the Caribbean, but it suits me just fine.

What doesn't suit me just fine is the little crap jet that takes us from St. John's to Gander.

This is the most recent picture of the Air-Canada crap jet, and unfortunately, two men died after the propeller blew the shingles off of the wing, connecting with their foreheads.

Flying isn't my problem, it's more so the take offs, landing's, and the turbulence in between. I've always liked having my size 11's on solid ground.

At any rate, I'm super excited because I get to see Steph's family once again. They are all super awesome (and hopefully they will read this)..... Accept me.. please!?!?! j/k... Everyone likes me! I bet even you like me. You're reading this and you're like.."Yeah, that Chris guy is pretty cool".

Steph's sister is counting the days 'till we get there because she misses partying with the dynamic due..... Steph-o-pher!!!!

Wow! I think someone just got shot out on the commons.... one sec.....

Weird....

Anyway, it'll be a great time because we get to celebrate Steph's birthday there and Canada Day as well. The word on the avenue is that we'll be drinking behind a school watching the low budget 15 minute firework display. Reminds me of the Sambro fireworks.... Gotta love small towns!

This time I get to meet most of Steph's friends, so it'll give me a chance to hear her embarrassing stories of yore and also I can tell them more recent stories that are just as embarrassing.

Although, I don't really care what we do because as long as I can get away from Halifax for a bit, I'll be happy.

It'll be good to see my buddy Mike again because the dude just up and leaves his drinking buddy in Halifax and expects me to drink alone.....? Well, I showed him! That's exactly what I did!

But in all honesty, it'll be good to hang with the Grand Falls-Windsor (GF-Dubb) folks for a bit.

I've been avoiding the Screeching in process, and I'm hoping to go undetected while I am there. Apparently, Newfoundlanders can smell us kind from 400 yards away. Then they grab you by the scruff of the neck, scream at you in a foreign tongue, make you drink an ounce of radiator fluid and they jam a rotten tuna fish over your head. I'll tell ya'! Those by's be right some crazy over d'ere, luh!

Man, I'm getting good at that!

I had a great time last summer and I'm pretty sure that this time will be better. Great people, great scenery, and great food..... Oh, the food!

So, that's the low down on my upcoming summer vacation in a little less than 2 weeks. Wish me luck and pray that the shingles stay on the plane!

Ewey

Goodbye my little Misha

2007-06-05T15:24:00.000-04:00

It's never easy losing a family pet, and unfortunately last Saturday, that's what happened.
Our little girl Misha went off to a kick ass doggy Heaven. Misha had been struggling for a few years, and it got to the point where enough was enough. She lived a long 13 year life and we all loved her as we love our best friends.

Erika and I met Geoff and Dad at the vet to bring her in. It was very emotional for all of us, and still is. I do find comfort in the fact that we all stood around her and let her know that we were all there with her. We each had a hand on her and gave her that last pet before she went. And when she went, she went peacefully. Although it was hard, I believe it was a relief for her as the pain went away and a relief for us because we knew she wouldn't have to deal with it anymore.

It'll never quite be the same going home and not having her there to greet us as we walk in the door, but we all have great memories of her and will always remember how much happiness she gave to all of us over the last 13 years.

Her twin brother Kane isn't in the best shape either, but he still has some pep in his walk, but I'm sure he misses her too.

Here are some pics of our little girl Misha. I think Steph said it best, that she is kickin' it with old Skipper, hangin out and sharing a yummy platter of doggy biscuits.

This is how people found Ewey's Blog Town???

2007-05-22T13:53:00.000-04:00

Hey there folks!

I thought you would all get a laugh out of this. Through my blog spot, I can check to see how people managed to find my blog spot through google and other people's web spaces.

Here are a few ways people found Ewey's Blog Town and the criteria they typed in to find me.

1.' halifax welsford two bedroom' ---> (Nothing weird here)

2. 'ewey night in my dreams i see you i feel you'-----> (This seems like the lyrics to a Celine Dion song but they mis spelled every with ewey)

3. "has man hands" "are massive" ----> (This is just a bit creepy)

4. 'how to take the suntan lotion that made me turn orange' ---> (Not only does it not make grammatical sense, someone actually turned themselves orange)

5. 'quotes about always feeling like you are knocked back down when you try to pick yourself back up' -----> (I feel bad for this poor soul who is in the shitter right now)

6. 'man posing with hand on crotch' -----> (It blows my mind that people actually search for this smut)

7. 'apart from society wise quote' -----> (A little weird, but at least it's not graphic)

8. 'transmission fluid to stain fence' -----> (Someone is using transmission fluid to stain their fence???)

That's all I have for now, but don't be fooled.... Some of these searches are really messed up things to google. It does not mean, however, that because my web page came up, it is full of dirty hand on crotch's, Celine Dion, massive man hand kind of crap.

Paris Hilton about to be eaten alive!

2007-05-05T01:59:00.000-04:00

The day I've been waiting for folks! Paris 'man hands' Hilton is going to be serving 45 days in the slammer for being a slutty, stupid, worthless piece of moldy giraffe poop!

Evidently she isn't suppose to be driving because she is the dumbest woman (minus her hands which previously belonged to an 11 foot tall circus giant) on the face of the earth. Being the most useless waste of life that she is, she screwed that one up claiming she didn't know she wasn't suppose to be driving, even though the court issued papers, detailing that in no way is she suppose to be operating a motor vehicle, was found in her 'man glove' compartment.

Sorry guys, if you think she's hot and want to make passionate love to her, I should flick poo in your face faster than an orangutan can squeeze it out. Aside from her wicked witch of the west nose, her sorry excuse for a chest, the two lane wind tunnel between her legs that a new breed of crabs call home..... She has MAN HANDS!!!!! For real! Check it out!

Those puppies are massive. She could strangle a grizzly bear with ease with one hand, all while scratching herself with the other.

Last I heard, Paris was on her way to play bat catcher for the Angels when she got pulled over.

Anyhoo, I am super happy that she's going to the slammer. Not nearly long enough, but good for now. I'm sure she will make a lot of women happy in the big house as they douse her down with talcum powder and show her who's the boss.

Take that Paris! And don't forget to call your inmates Sir. They just may go easy on you.... But that's not really your style, is it?

Booya!

I hope your rat dog dies and they mail it to you in a cake.

Love always,

Ewey

14 things that will piss off your roommate

2007-05-01T23:59:00.000-04:00

Hey folks! I was talking to a 'friend' today, and she was telling me about how all of her personal belongings are either broken or smell funny. She then proceeded to tell me that her roommate hates her. I don't believe she put 2 and 2 together, but I did. My deductive logic and reasoning lead me to believe that her roommate is messing up all of her shizz. Even though she didn't clue in to it, I didn't tell her I thought her roommate is screwing with her because I thought it was funny. I know, I'm a sick individual.

Here are a few of my own home remedies to get back at a roommate who you can't stand.

- Every morning when you take a shower, take a wizz on their shower puff. The thought of them washing themselves with your pee is hilarious.

- Take apart their pens and put a pin hole at the base of the ink well. They're bound to get it all over their fingers and hopefully their face. They'll prolly just think they bought defective pens.

- Take a razor or a utility knife and neatly slice out every 14th page of the book they are reading. If it's a student, nail their text book. They're bound to miss some vital questions on their exam.

- When they are cooking their food, slip in some whey protein/creatine in when they aren't looking. After a while they will gain a few pounds.

- Once they gain a few pounds, do your laundry, do some of theirs and try your best to shrink it. After a while they will believe they are getting fat and start to freak out. Then you can call them fat ass and make them cry.

- Go on their computer and purposely download viruses.

- If they go tanning, replace half of their tanning accelerator with SPF 60 sun tan lotion. This will make them wonder why the hell they can't tan.

- Or, replace half of their tanning accelerator with skin bronzer so they turn orange and ugly.

- When they buy new shampoo, replace half of it with nair hair remover. C'mon! Now that's just funny when they lose clumps of hair.

- Tell everyone you know that your roommate is looking for a random hook up and one night stand, then encourage them to go out to the bars.

- Or, tell everyone you know that your roommate has herpalitus and fungi nip disease.

- Every so often, throw out one of their socks, so eventually they are all mis matched.

- Sit your bare bottom on their pillows and watch t.v. for a few hours.

- Use their email address to download porn, and also subscribe them to an offensive magazine and have it sent to where they work.

That's just a few things to do to make sure you have a laugh at your horrible roommate. And be sure to hide bits of sardines around the apartment before you move out. It makes for a fun guessing game for them and quite a funk.

Bill Cosby endorses all of these suggestions and thinks it's cool!

Adios!

Ewey

Who are you?

2007-02-22T07:45:00.000-05:00

Hey there folks! I have a task for a few of you.
As you may know, I have a hit counter on my blogspot and that allows me to see who visited my site. Unfortunately, it only allows me to see the country and region.

If your region is listed below, please tell me if it's you. Just post a comment to this blog. Please!!!!

For example ----> Hey Ewey!!! Your hit from Queens Village New York, is me, Elizabeth Hurley. I miss you, Ewey, and our passionate nights together. You should blog about your deepest, darkest desires.... You're yummy all over!!! mmmm! I'm doing great, buh-bye!
Love E.H.

Check 'em out and tell me if it's you!

Sackville, New Brunswick
Moncton, New Brunswick
Saint John, New Brunswick

Calgary, Alberta

East Kelowna, British Columbia

Australia - Melbourne, Victoria

Joggins, Nova Scotia
Mount Uniacke, Nova Scotia
Newport Corner, Nova Scotia
Elmsdale, Nova Scotia
Yarmouth, Nova Scotia

Queens Village, New York
Rochester, New York

Wabana, Newfoundland
Mount Pearl Park, Newfoundland

Paris - Ile-de-France

Winnipeg, Manitoba

Glasgow, Glasgow City

There they are folks! Get back to me as soon as you can. Post a comment and give me ideas for something to blog about and tell me how you are.

Much love,

Ewey

My shiny new Medal!!!

2007-02-21T21:17:00.000-05:00

Check it out folks! I have a shiny new Medal!!!

As most of you may know, I am one of the officers on the board of directors for the North British Society of Halifax. This society was founded in 1768. The Society flourishes within the Commonwealth of Nations as the oldest Scottish heritage society outside Great Britain.

Many of you will be excited to know that our late Brew Master, Alexander Keith, use to be the President of this society way back in the day.

I am super excited to be a part of this society and honored to be a part of the directing board.

Just yesterday after a board meeting, I received my shiny new medal. Not just any member receive these medals.. No no! Only members who are on the Board receive these medals, and they all think they kick ass too! Now here's why I am posting about this. I don't really have any medals for anything except for some junior high sports awards. So when I receive a medal this farkin huge, you know I'm gonna blog the hell out of it.

Here are some pics of my shiny new medal, so enjoy, be jealous, and notice how shiny the damn thing is.

Here is my hand posing with the big shiny new medal

Here's the top of the shiny new medal, exploiting the Scottish Thistle

Here is my medal doing the red light special--- Bow-chicka-bow-bow

Here is my shiny new medal without the flash cause it's so damn shiny

Here it is with the flash. Damn blinding isn't it?

Here's my shiny new medal posing for a full frontal. Tastefully done, mind you.

Here's Milo licking his crotch because he's so excited about my shiny new medal!

Wise quotes for 2007

2007-01-31T05:03:00.000-05:00

Here are a few quotes I've come across that may be helpful to you for this new year. I may or may not have made them up, but read them and enjoy!

All the best folks!

Ewey

If you shat in your bed, you're bound to roll over in it. When you do, it's better warm than cold.

If you fall off your bike, kick it!

It's better to have loved and lost than it is to have loved her mother the whole time secretly. Then it's just awkward.....

If you get knocked down, go for the low blow before you get back up.

If you bump into a homeless man, don't take his soup.

Always reach for the stars, but do it discretely for the fear of looking like a tard...

Only take what you need. After that, just tell them you're taking some for your "friend."

If you find that you are lost in life, play with your belly button until things become clear and/or irritated.

Always hold on to your dreams and just tell people you accomplished them.

When you're down on yourself, get implants.

Always be a friend to those in need, unless those in need have a flatulence issue.

Enjoy the greenery around you, but burn all the thorn bushes to teach the other thorn bushes a lesson.

Enjoy blowing out the candles, but make it noticeable that you spit on the cake so you can have more for yourself.

When it's cold outside don't worry. Take your shoe laces and tie them around your ankles and fart as much as you can.

If you can't train your significant other, just start breaking their things.

When you need someone to talk to, call a 1-800 number...... Seriously!

When you're in love with someone else, don't get caught.

If you get caught, deny, deny, deny!

If you feel like life is suffocating you, drown your goldfish with air.

If your flatulence is noticed, look at someone else and give them dirty looks.

If you can't remember someones name, just call them big shooter.

If the grass is greener on the other side of the fence, graffiti the other side of the fence.

If you don't have anything nice to say, eat a big mac to pass the time.

The power of love is a force to be reckoned with, so is Darth Vader.

If at first you don't succeed, get someone else to do it for you.

If at any time you are scared, use the fetal position and use it right good!

Maritime Love

2007-01-15T15:54:00.000-05:00

We finally are seeing the winter weather!!! It's been such a mild winter so far, I was starting to get worried. Anyhoo, here's my little story of doing a good deed and the display of kindness of the good old Maritimer.

I was walking from my place to Tim Hortons, as we good, faithful Maritimers do, and I noticed a mini van on Quinpool road and it seemed to be stalled. That's when I noticed that good old red fluid coming from underneath. No, not blood. Yes, transmission fluid....

The man pops out of the van, mind you it's 4 o'clock traffic and Quinpool is packed!

He looked at me with that, "This is my shitty luck, please help!" look.

I went over and told him that his transmission fluid is leaking. I felt kinda bad for the dude and his wife in the passenger seat.

Anyhoo, I told him to get his wife to drive and we'll push. No, not because women can't push a car, but she was about 5 feet tall and about the same thickness as a thorn.

Anyway, we start pushing in traffic and before I knew it, another dude jumped in and was aiding the cause. Then another dude!!!!

Now this is what I call Maritime comradery!

Here's the funny part....

This chick jumps in, about my age, 24 or 25 and she helps. So she's pushing, and she looks down and sees the red transmission fluid in the snow and says, 'oooooh the car is bleeeeding..... hehehehehe!'

That's when I said to myself, this girl is stupid as old hell! But we needed the help to get the van up the hill into the Quinpool Towers parking lot.

By this time we weren't making much progress, so the man who owned the van asked a women walking by if she could help.

Her reply is 'I can't! These are my new gloves.'
That's when I said she must be from Ontario.... We all had a good laugh over that!

Anyway, one more person jumps in and we get him into the parking lot.

The man thanked us and we all wished him the best of luck and all went on our merry way as if we were just doing what we would do on any other day.

Moral of the story... It's nice to know we still have that maritime hospitality even though it seems that it's becoming more and more non-existent as the years go by.

So folks, if you see someone in distress, make it a point to help if you can. It's appreciated and you might even feel a bit better about the kind of person you are at the end of it.

Maritime love,

Ewey

Ewey the Handyman! (With Pics)

2006-12-14T18:40:00.000-05:00

Yes, that's right folks! I'm not just a pretty face... I am fairly handy when it comes to building/fixing things. My latest project was the entertainment unit for our living room.

Steph and I have been searching around for an entertainment unit for quite some time now and either found them way overpriced, or just not quite what we were looking for in terms of what suited our needs.

After enough trips to stupid department stores, I was fed up and mentioned to Steph that I could make one for much cheaper.

You see, we needed one that would fit our new TV and have enough shelves in it so we could get rid of a lame ass shelving unit we had in the living room.

I tried to persuade her by saying it would be solid wood and not that cheap ass particle board crap that once starts to break apart, all hell breaks loose on it and its destroyed in a matter of months.

Anyway, Steph said no because she apparently didn't trust my wood working skillz. More time went by and still no decent units.

Yes, that's right. She finally gave in to me and gave me the go ahead.

Anyhow, My brother Geoff and I went out to Home Depot to pick up the wood and accessories, and went to his place to make an entertainment unit!!!!! WOOOHOOO!!!!

I have to give mad props to Geoff for helping me. He's pretty savvy in the building things properly department.

At any rate, after the cutting, trimming, staining and varnishing, I was pretty high and wasted from the fumes..... It all came together nicely and Dad and I finally brought it home to my place for it's purpose.

Peace out my little minions!

Ewey

Notice the wonderful stain and varnish application, along with how snug the TV fits

Notice the beautiful corner brass pieces and the inlaid router cut on the top front... Notice it!

Notice the view we see from the sofa and the strategic placement of everything

Notice the angled shot I took on the camera and notice that I am awesome!

So, this is what it's like to be 25?

2006-10-26T14:32:00.000-04:00

I have to say folks, turning 25 today hasn't made me feel much different. I am still as immature as ever, I like to think I don't look 25 and still have retained my youthfully charming good looks with a hint or ruggednissity (yeah, it's a word now), and I like to think that I am only a quarter of the way through my lifetime. I know it's not likely that I will live to be 100, but thinking any other way is just depressing.

The one thing that does bother me is that watching a movie or hearing a song that I still think is fairly current and newish, is really not. It's one thing to hear that this or that movie was made in 1986. That only seems like a few years ago. It's not until someone points out that it was made 20 years ago!!!

It seems that all of the songs and movies I love are songs and movies that the people surrounding me have never heard of. For serious though, if you don't know these artists and movies, you're dead to me.

*Huey Lewis and the News
*Billy Ocean
*Eddie Money
*Eurythmics
*Foreigner
*Hall and Oats
*Mike and the Mechanics
*Phil Collins

Movies such as

*Willow
*The Never Ending Story
*Ferris Bueller's Day Off
*The Dark Crystal and The Labrynth
*E.T.
*The Goonies
*Ghostbusters
*Beetlejuice
*Back to the Future
*Space balls
*Attack of the Killer Tomatoes
*Stand by Me

I could go on for days!!!

Anyhoo, I guess another sign that I am getting older is that I would rather spend my birthday with Steph and my family. It's not all about getting cool shizz. Well, that's not true, but I now see the importance of being with the loved ones.

So, here's a big thanks to everyone who gave me best wishes for my birthday, and a bigger thanks for everyone who bought me cool shizz!

I have to go now.... I have no control over my bladder and my arthritis is acting up.

See ya Kiddo's!

Love Ewey

You know you hate them too!!!

2006-10-12T17:29:00.000-04:00

I'm sure all of you know who I'm talking about... That's right! Those obscenely pompous asses that want nothing more than to look like King Shizz in class and on the same playing field as the Professor.

These people totally get me so frustrated that I want make a complete loser out of them in front of the whole class. Either bitch them out or plant a farting machine under their chair. Or make them suddenly wet their pants. That’d be cool.

Here are some of my examples of these suck-holey people.

1. That guy who strolls in late for class because he thinks he has earned the right to come in late because his brain power is so immense.

2. The same guy who strolls in late and takes 10 minutes to get situated by taking off his coat, rummaging through his bag, coughing a bit, and then turning off his cheesy cell phone.

3. That person in class who comes prepared with questions that he already knows the answer to but takes the time to implement big, confusing, long words just so he can look brilliant in front of the class and the Prof, and also to see if he can stump the Professor.

4 That girl in class who sits as close to the Prof as possible, close enough to make sure the Prof knows they are there and willing to do whatever it takes to be noticed. They laugh at every single semi-humorous joke the Prof makes. But what blows my mind is that these people never seem to notice that they have classmates, and don't even care that their classmates think they are dough-holes and want to smash their head into the crotch of the Professor and scream "I THINK THIS IS WHAT YOU WE'RE LOOKING FOR!!! HOW GREAT IS IT NOW???"

5. That meat-wad in your class, who in group work, HAS to be the leader, and guide everyone with his amazing directing skills. Tries to delegate a billion things to everyone and expect them to understand right away, all the time knowing that he doesn't really understand himself. He just has to make it known to the class and the Prof that he is the superior one and he should get extra credit for being a *ssssuper dooper human*

6. The people that burn me the most are the chicks who talk to their neighbor all class. They laugh and giggle and talk about who they hooked up with on the weekend. If you sit anywhere within an ear shot of these kwazi-hot bimbos, every class is like a soap opera. Every class you tend to sit as close as possible just to hear the update on who she did, what girlfriend of hers got drunk with her and started making out together, or if she forgot to tell a dude to wrap it up and thinks she might be pregnant. It's pure madness, but it's so good. It's like "The Days of Our Political Science"..... This shizz is way more interesting than the process of how a bill is passed and how many steps it goes through. I would rather know who railed the bimbo behind me this past weekend.

All in all folks, these people really need to step back and think about what they're doing. They need to realize that the Prof knows what they are trying to do and it won't work. They need to know the class wants to throw them down a flight of steps, drag them back up by their eye-lids, and repeat the process a few more times.

In the long run, they won't get a better job suck holing 'till their lips are blue with brown lipstick. They will make it to a certain point where they won't go any further because everyone finds them too annoying and can't have them around for fear of actually throwing them down a flight of stairs.

Feel free to throw back a comment of someone in your class who commits one of these heinous acts. And if you are one of these suck-holers, save us the trouble and throw yourself down the stairs.

Kindest regards,

Ewey

21 things you probably didn't know about Ewey

2006-09-10T23:51:00.000-04:00

Well folks, here is a few things you probably didn't know about me and the most you'll ever know about me. As a lot of you know, I like to be fairly secretive about my life. Not that I have anything to hide, but moreso that I don't like people knowing my bizz. Since a bunch of you called me on being secretive, I figured I would share a few things to shut you all up. So enjoy, have a laugh, and don't ask for anymore details about me!

Peace!

Ewey

1. I have an issue where if I am touched on one side of my body, I have to touch the exact opposite side at roughly the same pressure as before, to balance out. (This doesn't mean you can touch me!)

2. I can't stand stepping on sidewalk cracks!

3. Every time I cross a bridge, I get the most terrifying feeling that the bridge is collapsing right behind the vehicle.

4. I don't mind flying, but take-offs really scare the shizz out of me because I think that the plane is going to bottom out and crash.

5. I use to steal ash trays from every bar I went to.

6. I wake up every morning with a song stuck in my head and I sing it all day until a new one takes over.

7. I enter and exit an elevator as fast as possible for fear that the cable will snap and slice me in two pieces where the door and the elevator meet.

8. I loath people who are perfectly capable of walking, and using the elevator to go to the second floor.

9. If someone tips me anything less than a quarter when bartending, I throw it at their back as they walk away.

10. I generally don't talk to people who act just like everyone else acts, simply to fit in.

11. I usually jog across a crosswalk to make the driver happy because I know what it's like to be late and having to stop for pedestrians who take their sweet ass time!

12. I can't talk to people if they are standing less than two feet away from me.

13. When I sleep, I sleep with a pillow between my knees.

14. I also can't go to sleep without having each pinky toe flipped over the fourth toe.

15. If someone grabs my nose, my first reaction is to hit them in the face.

16. I judge people by the look of their eyes.

17. I loath people who chew with their mouths open.

18. I also loath people who don't have basic table manners.

19. When I sleep, I tuck my wrists under my chin.

20. When I shake hands with someone I know and like, I grab their forearm.

21. I never tell people super-duper personal things about myself because I don't like the thought of people knowing who I am.

The update

2006-09-09T03:01:00.000-04:00

Here it is folks! The latest update....

Last week I went out and bought a teen pack from Shoppers Drug Mart... We all know what that means!!! Back 2 Skool! It's not quite that exciting and I didn't really go buy a teen pack... Or did I?

School has started and I believe this is the first year I went to all of my first classes. Go me!
But the weeks leading up to school was spent at the good old reliable Grawood, getting it ship shape to get trashed for the first week of school. I got to do a lot of guy things and use a lot of unnecessary tools to do minor projects.

Amongst all of this, I made it in to my new apartment. We moved out of Quinpool towers and made our way in to the Welsford, across from the commons. And yes, we will be watching the Stones show for free. In your face suckers!

I'm really looking forward to being able to see at least one of those old decrepit pieces of hangy-flesh take a massive heart attack on stage. It's bound to happen!

Everything is finally out of boxes, and by boxes I mean shopping carts conveniently stolen from the Superstore and Canadian Tire before they made the switch to the new carts that lock up once you get past the "you're stealing our shopping cart" area. We are in and things look great, and now that the stress of moving is over, I can relax in my new pad.

One of the first things we did was set up our BunnyCam. For those of you who don't know of this new interweb phenomena, I have my web cam set up with a live feed to our little shizz disturbing bunnies, Scotch and Shy. We've had it up for about three or four days now and we've accumulated over 800 visits so far. You can check out the coolest bunnies on earth here!

They do a lot of hopping, staring, sleeping, a little humpage here and there, and they like to lick the hell out of each other. They're very close.... A little too close for my liking.

Myself and the North British Society had our harbour cruise a couple weeks ago which was great! I managed to provide some live music, but the hard part was trying to sing and play whilst floating by multi-million dollar homes that are the size of the washed up planet, Pluto. Although Pluto will always be a planet to me. Fight the power Pluto!

Anyway, before I end this, I just want to say that old women shouldn't drive. Quick story: I almost got creamed by a little old lady driving a Ford the size of the pre-surgerized Star Jones. Yes! That big!!!!

First of all, if you can't see over the wheel, don't drive!
If you have to stop and turn the wheel 14 times to make a right, don't drive!
If your neck is fused from arthritis and you can't turn it to look behind you, don't drive!
If your hunch back prevents you from peeking over to check your blind spot, don't drive!
If you need to stand up, turn around and slide down the side of the seat to exit, don't drive!
If the beads that hang from your coke bottle glasses can blind pedestrians, don't drive!

Seriously you old bats.... We have senior discounts on the metro transit for a reason!

Anyway, that's it for now. I promise I will make more of an effort to keep the blog up to date!

Signing off,

Ewey

I called Newfoundland on a boat and got a hold of Jack Bauer

2006-07-25T21:28:00.000-04:00

Hey folks!

It's been a little while since I blogged last so here's the Ewey News!

I've been keeping myself busy during the summer with a loan of all of the seasons of 24 on DVD. Stephanie's sisters boyfriend Mike is home in Newfoundland and said I could borrow them. Seriously people, if you don't watch 24, you're missing quite possibly the best show on earth! Well, next to Baywatch.... The main character, Jack Bauer played by Kiefer Sutherland is the coolest character ever! This guy can kick the arse off of a steroid inflicted rhinoceros. Plus, his unstable temper and unpredictable personality keep fans amused to the highest. I'm pretty sure that every guy wants to be Jack Bauer... Or Chris Ewert. It's all the same really.

I've been keeping busy at the Grawood doing handy man stuff. Our black and gold room we have was in need of some repair and a new coat of paint, as it was last summer, so once again I was more than happy to get my hands on a drill and a can of paint and go to work. Since I live with two girls, I feel the need to flex my masculinity where I can to keep myself from getting to a point where I say that I enjoy trashy magazines, Oprah, and the odd chick flick.... And just to reiterate, I do not enjoy those things.

In about a week and a half, Stephanie and I are heading to her hometown of Grand falls Windsor, Newfoundland for a little vacay. I'm pretty excited to get out of the city for a bit and to have a chance to see and learn a bit more about where Stephanie comes from. I also get to meet her father for the first time. Everyone says he is a really nice man and we'll get along great, but he owns and operates a hunting and adventure business. This means he owns guns and is pretty savvy in the wilderness. This also means I will be sleeping with one eye open... ;/
Just kidding, I can't wait to meet him.

On a cool note, a buddy of mine hooked me up with a new phone. Well, not just a phone. It is a palm pilot, phone, camera, the whole internet dealy and an mp3 player. Although I really just want it for the use of a phone and to organize my life instead of writing things on little, easily misplaced pieces of paper. Say hello to my Treo 600 smart phone!

Last but not least, I am quickly gathering friends for the Harbour Cruise that we, The Scots, have organized. The boat cruise in the Hali harbour is August 17 and should prove to be a great night!
We managed to grab some traditional highland dancers, a Celtic band called Celtic Fair, and I managed to squeeze myself in there for a while so I can rock out on my new 12 string! If anyone wants to go, let me know as soon as possible because I need your money by August 4th at the latest. Or you can click here

There it is, the late breaking news. Enjoy!

Ewey

Pimp my TV!

2006-06-27T23:45:00.000-04:00

So, yesterday I came home from a meeting at Dal, and noticed this rather aged television in our parking garage, waiting to be thrown away with some other random appliances. It caught my eye because I have never really seen an old skool tele before. The warranty on it said it was good until 1969, so I am assuming it is at least 30 years old. I thought it'd be cool to do something with, but forgot about it because I'm not much for hand me downs. I have to say though, sometimes people have to get rid of some nice shit so they put it in the parking garage so people can either take it, or let it be thrown away. Later on Steph and I walked by it again, and she commented on it. That's when I made the decision to go down and get it. I had the idea of making it into an aquarium, but wasn't quite feasible.

Steph blogged about this too, but this is where our stories differ. I lugged the damn thing all the way to our place, and we also scored a book case in which she did help me with because it was an awkward carry down the hallway just by myself.

Needless to say, I grabbed the screwdriver I bought from Canadian Tire and went to work on it. The whole time gutting this old tele, Andrea and Steph told me I was crazy and mocked me a little bit, but I didn't care because living with chicks ain't easy folks. I needed to flex my masculinity a little bit by tearing this baby apart. It took me a good half an our to gut the tele because there were some tight spots my driver couldn't reach, but eventually I hollowed it and shined it up. My task now was to find something to do with this classic tele. I decided to take my paraphernalia from our Dominican trip and load it in with a cool poster I took from my old room at home, and threw my lamp in there for shits and giggles. I think it turned out pretty cool. I may eventually get a cooler light to illuminate it, but for now, check out the pics below and let me know what you think.

In case you're wondering, I have my outback safari hat in there, a bottle of D.R. rhum, a D.R. cigar, some other bottles of rhum, and some random cactus I bought for Steph but decided to not give it to her for fear of getting her a dumb ass gift. I think I made the right choice of not giving it to her. Looks better in the TV.

Anyway, check this shizz out!

Peace out homefries!

Ewey

Scotch, The Grawood, Canada Day and a new apartment

2006-06-25T15:58:00.000-04:00

Well, my little boy Scotch got through his surgery just fine. Getting his merry berries sliced away wasn't something I wanted to do to him, but I'm sure you can tell from my previous blogs that it was for the best. After we picked him up from the vet, I could have swore the look in his eyes screamed, "why did you leave me here!?!? Look what they did to me!!!!" It was a look of confusion and hatred. I feel bad but he won't be humpin' around any more.

I recently finished my physical geography class at Dal and I feel pretty good about it. Summer classes do kick ass. They're easy, to the point, all up in your face, and in and out of your life before you know it. Just like me... Booya!

As of right now, I'm kickin it in the Grawood just finishing up some numbers from the Latin Connection night we have on Saturdays. I felt like poo, so I packed it up early and made it a point to come in today and finish, since we're closed. It's nice to be in the Grawood when there is no one here to bother me. I'm pretty sure this Latin Connection deal is gonna fall through because the turn-out is crapola and the DJ is annoying, as all DJ's are. Even though there is only 30 people max in the Grawood, it still smells like moldy Brute cologne. C'mon guys! Is it really necessary to use half of a bottle for one night? You have a better chance of getting attacked and molested by a moose from the scent then you do a chick.

Canada day is fast approaching and I think I'm gonna head up to NoFunswick with the fam and add a fourth sheet to the wind. I've had too many Canada days in Halifax to know that the bars are all jam packed, the fireworks are most likely going to be cancelled as usual, and it'll be a nice change to hit another province and spend some quality with the fam and see some relatives.

The lease for our apartment is up at the end of August so we have been looking for some new places. We found a huge two bedroom at The Welsford and threw down a deposit so it is now claimed. We checked it out and it looks great. The building is a bit old, but at least it looks nice. We we're trying to find a place that will be great for us and that can allow pets. But the most exciting part aside from thinking about where to put furniture and whatnot, is that we have a cool view of the commons and I can take Scotch out for walks with a leash I plan to buy for him. Well, I'll take him out for hops... You get the point.

Well blog readers, that's about it for now.

Peace it up!

Ewey

Be thankful for YOUR jingle balls!

2006-06-04T17:37:00.000-04:00

My little bunny Scotch has a ding dong! Yes, that's right... A penis!

Steph and I moved our bunnies over to Mike and Donna's because we're not allowed pets in our building and they are showing our apartment tomorrow. We packed them up and shipped them down the street. Yeah, we're pretty sneaky.

Anyhoo, Steph called me yesterday telling me she thought that Scotch may have given a few thrusts to Aeris, but she wasn't too sure. We went over today to check on them, and sure enough, Scotch was pumpin' her like a freshly released inmate in a brothel.

The whole time we we're under the assumption that they we're both female rabbits, but I am kinda happy having a little boy. And I must say, I'm a little proud that he is shaggin' so soon... That's my boy! Takes after his dad!

We have them separated right now to avoid the risk of being grandparents and the risk of Aeris having broken hips from taking it all day and night. Poor little girl. But I bet she was teasing Scotch, shaking her little puffy tail, trying to get him all horned up. Typical chick!

Steph is a bit stressed about the whole situation so we are going to take Scotch to the vet and get his dingle berries removed. I feel bad that we have to do that because I know if I lost mine, then life as I know it would cease to exist.

Anyway, that's the latest!

Peace out and be thankful for YOUR jingle balls!

Ewey

You've just been updated

2006-05-22T15:18:00.000-04:00

So, the last week or so has been very busy for me. My brother Geoff graduated this past Saturday from Saint Mary's University. BIG ups to him cause we're all very proud!

I'm immensly pissed for the amount of money I spent on books for an upcoming class at Dal this summer. $180 for a text and a useless tag along book. Burns me!!!!

I have an meeting with the Board of Directors at Kings Edgehill tomorrow in which I have to truck off to Hantsport and the following day I have a meeting with the North British Society Executive Membership Committee followed by drinks and dinner, then more drinks. I am brining Stephanie along to this one so we can get drunk with the Scots. It's always a hilarious time... No, really it is!

We've came to a final decision on our bunnies names. Steph names hers Aeris and I finally named mine Scotch. Maybe I took the easy way out, but I find that I can use a few reasons for calling her that. Once again, thanks for all the names people sent for me.

Steph and I went out to buy some hay for their pen because it's suppose to be good for them and much cleaner. Once we put it in, Scoth and Aeris had a field day eating their floor hay. Aeris ended up throwing up out of her ass for over a day. I'm talkin like 'I drank 23 Guinness lastnight and I'll be in the fetal position all day propped up on the toilette' kinda shits. But she seems to be better today.

Mike and Donna will be taking Milo (their cat) back tomorrow or Wednesday. They left him with us because they flew off to Florida. As much of a cool little cat he is, it'll be nice to be able to sleep without Milo squeeling for food at 4 am.

My Aunt is moving to Edmonton, so Steph and I picked up a few things she was selling. After getting the coffee table in and a kitchen table complete with chairs, our place looks way better. I dig it for sheezey!

Jonny and Eddy Wiggles had a cool ass idea to rent out the Mar 2 for a couple of hours yesterday and go on a little sailing adventure. A nice handfull of friends packed on the fine vessel and took a tour of Hali harbour and abouts. We all had a kick ass time, plus it was nice to catch up with some friends before they take off for their next destinations.

Anyhoo, that's about it for now and hopefully soon I'll have something funny to blog about. In the meantime, here are some pics!

Out!

Ewey

The family (minus dad cause he's taking the pic) on Geoff's Grad
Jonny gone ghetto on the Mar 2
Boozin on the Mar 2 - Bruce, J-Dubb, Ed, Me, Alex

I'm a Daddy!.......???

2006-05-16T19:35:00.000-04:00

Yes folks! Stephanie and I are parents. We've adopted two little bunnies.

Warning to all men: Taking your girlfriend to the pet store will end up in you buying something.

I was never much of an animal lover, especially when it came to small animals. I always told myself that if I were to buy any kind of pet, it would be a dog. So to kill some time before I had to pick my brother up from work, Steph and I went to the pet store. We checked out the puppies and the stupid little birds, and then came across these little guys in the pen next to a stinky ass pig. I saw the brown multi-colored bunny and thought she was the cutest thing ever. Although I kept that to myself for the sake of my masculinity. We thought about getting them and figured we should think about it for a little longer. We told ourselves that if we came back in a few days and they were still there, we'd take them.

They we're still there three days later......

Steph and I are still searching for names.... We like a few names but are still looking.
Thanks to everyone who sent me some ideas... Ideas such as Peter, Turquoise, Gunther, Stew, Benny, Bull & Dozer, and the list goes on..... I was a little reluctant to name my bunny thrasher or killer because 1. they are female, and 2. they're bunnies dammit. It's like calling a rugby team the prissy princesses.... It just doesn't work!

My bunny is the brownish one and Steph has the white one. I'm thinking of Scotch for mine, more so because I like to get drunk and not eat butterscotch ice cream.

At any rate, feel free to msn me more names or leave a comment on my blog here. Check out the picks below and give me a big "AAAAAWWWWW! They're so cute"!

Dominican 2006 with pics

2006-04-29T13:29:00.000-04:00

So here it is folks. The concentrated version of my trip to the Dominican!

Steph and I arrived to our resort around 11:30 pm, met up with the fam, had a few drinkies at the disco, and called it a night. We were both pretty beat from 2 days of getting ready to leave.

Most of our days consisted of hitting the beach with the fam. The weather was pretty effin hot so each day after about an hour in the sun, I managed to contract a headache which a thousand mg's of pills fixed eventually.

My parents splurged for the trip for all of us, consisting of Steph and I, Mom and Dad, Geoff and Erika, Jenny, and My cousins Chad and his sister Heidi and her husband Troy.

Steph and went parasailing which was pretty nutso and hit the bar quite a bit. We all made it to dinner a few times during the week which was nice to have the fam all together.

The highlite was easily our outback jungle safari excursion. Our guides took us off of the resort, made us drink the whole time on the back of a open top paddy wagon and took us to a typical home of a typical farming family and showed us their way of life. Went to a place where they make cocoa, brown sugar, and coffee, among other things. We got to see some aligators and other ugly ass reptiles. We then made it to a place where they made us traditional DR food which was really good, and they also had reptiles and other animals to play tag with. They ended it by taking us to a beach with kick ass waves to go wake boarding.

Steph and I made it to the market a few times to buy random things they sell there. I had fun arguing with them about how shitty their merchandise was and offering them much less than what they wanted for it.

Anyway, we all had a great time. The resort was pretty kick ass, the weather was great, spent quality time with the fam, and managed to get a pretty rockin tan. Although, it's nice to be back in Hali, I kinda miss the warm weather, palm trees, and the speedo's and saggy boobies.

Peace out!

Ewey

And they're off !!!

2006-04-17T22:18:00.000-04:00

So, after a long day of trying to get last minute things done before we leave for the Dominican, I am under the assumption it's done. We're packed and ready to spend a week of fun in the sun with my fam. Steph and I did a butt-load of running around today buying sun tan lotion, anti sloppy-pooh pills, pepto, and let's not forget our old friend Mr. Tylenol for those hangover days.

We're at my house right now cause we had to take care of the dogs. The rest of our fam left today, so we took the oppertunity to have the house to ourselves, to make some food and watch 24 as loud as possible.

Right now we're at the point where we're sure we're forgetting something and are trying to figure out what it is before we get the the airport. No luck as of yet.

Anyway, I may get a chance to throw down a blog when I'm down there, but chances are I'll be too drunk to even try to throw together a readable sentence.

If not, then I hope y'all keep hitting my blog and wish me luck while I'm away. I have a feeling that I may be detained for doing something stupid.

I'll see you all when I get back, I'll post my pics, and as I mentioned previously..... If I don't return, you can see my hostage video on CNN, FOX, And KTLA. I'll give you all a big wave from my holding cell.

Peace out folks!

Ewey

Dear Blog

2006-04-15T15:05:00.000-04:00

Dear Blog,

It is the second day of living with Stephanie and Andrea. Everything seems to be going well, but I get the feeling that they are plotting against me. I fear that eventually I will take a corner and get a frying pan to the head and wake up only to curled eyelashes, make up, waxed legs, plucked eyebrows, and worst of all, a manicure/pedicure..... As pretty as all of this sounds, I'd have to hide myself from civilization until enough hair grows back to dull the shine.

Speaking of shine, I'm trying to get things ready for our trip to the Dominican on Tuesday. Stephanie is out with the girls right now buying more clothes. I know Blog.... Chicks!

Anyway, I'm pretty much ready except for a few things like shitty dollar store paraphernalia to leave to the resort workers, a new birth certificate, and a shovel and pale for the beach. The bucket is great for sculpting breasts from sand, drunken headwear, and the shovel, well that's perfect for cracking Stephanie's ass when she walks by. The combo is really an investment.

All in all, things are great for now. I still have all of my hair and clogged pores, and I'm almost ready to take off with the fam. Oh, and evidently Easter is tomorrow so... Happy Easter Blog!

Oh, one of my cooler friends Pat Pierce has been giving me some shout outs on his blog. What a wicked dude. I hope he is enjoying the guitar I sold him. Honestly Blog, it pays to be friends with me. You'd know more than anyone...

Don't worry Blog...I'll write to you again before I leave. And I'll keep you updated on my well being and any other excitement that comes my way. I think the girls will be back soon from shopping so I'm going to shut my bedroom door and build a fort from my chair, mattress, and pillows.

Friends forever,

Ewey

Movin out

2006-04-13T00:17:00.000-04:00

So, I took the plunge and decided to move in with Stephanie and her cousin Andrea. Her sister Jenn moved out so I am taking her spot. As most of you know, I am never one for sticking around home a lot. I moved out for boarding school, moved back to boarding school as a staff member, I lived with Jonny Allen and Shawn Tracey for a summer, and after they moved out, I lived with some sorority idiots who took their spot after the lease was up. I know, bad move Ewey!

I appreciate home and everything my parents do for me. It's always a place I know I can go back to if I miss it or if Steph kicks me out. To be honest though, I spent more time in Halifax the last few years than I did when I lived at home. Although, no matter where I go, I will always miss my fam, and a home cooked meal.

Some people roll their eyes at me when I tell them I'm moving in with my girlfriend, and tell me 'goodluck with that' with an eye roll. Not because of her, but because most guys dread moving in with their girls. But I must say the last 4 or 5 months, I basically lived there anyway. I don't think there will be much of a change.

I know it won't be too different for Andrea and Steph, but I am pretty excited. Not only have I never lived with a girlfriend before, but I never lived with normal girls before.

The best part is that I am already designated to certain chores *eye roll*
But then again, it's the least I can do. They put up with me enough as it is, and living with me, well I'm not sure if it is a good thing or a not so good thing.

My main objective is to stay away from the girly products in the bathroom, not read the trashy ragazines, and try my best not to watch the girly gossip tele shows. I have to say that I'm fairing well on the first, but the magz and the tele shows are creepin on me. I'm catching myself already knowing what the dirt is on superstars before Steph even finishes the sentence.

Guys, if you notice me starting to act all 'lah tee dah', give me a swifty in the man balloons.
I think I may bring some power tools or legos just to play with when I feel like I'm starting to slip.

At any rate, I am pretty excited to make the move cause Steph and Andrea are pretty kick ass chickies, and I hope they are excited too.

Everyone needs more Ewey in their lives.

I'm out padres!

Ewey

Bad Parenting

2006-04-12T11:46:00.000-04:00

Ok, here's my issue. First of all, Britney was busted driving away from the paparazzi with her baby on her lap. I'm pretty sure her fat thighs aren't enough to keep the baby safe from an accident. Now the word is that her baby fell from a high chair and did a head plant on the ground. Apparently the nanny was lifting little baby Sean from the high chair, something broke on it, he slipped from her grasp and took the plunge. Good old daddy Kevin comes to the rescue six days later to take him to the hospital.

Now, I am convinced that it should be illegal for stupid people to pro-create. Not only did Britney get herself preggers with the biggest wank on earth, she let herself turn into a horse after she had the baby. Now the baby is probably as dumb as she is after that drop.

It's sad to say, but I am excited to hear what stupid act of violence comes to her kid next. I am also excited to see how long it takes for child services to take her baby away. I bet baby Sean could bring in a good chunk of money on eBay.

Anyway, people are spitting out babies left, right, and more accurately, center. I'm pretty sure most parents today have no clue what the fack they are doing. More and more, I'm seeing kids under the age of five roaming the streets without parental supervision. Seriously people, where are the parents?

If I left my front yard as a kid, out of sight from my mother, you could hear her yell from miles away. And when she did, you could bet your ass that I was running back home as fast as possible.

It just seems today that kids are not being disciplined, not looked after properly, and parents are giving them too much freedom at a too young age.

It doesn't help that the school system is pumping the kids with the notion that if they are ever touched in an abusive way to let someone know. This basically means call the kids help phone and rat your parents out for spanking you. Don't get me wrong, I truly believe that abusing children is wrong, but a mild spanking here and there can only let your kids know who's the boss and that going in the alley across the street to buy crack at the age of five is wrong.

So folks, before you decide to shoot out a baby, really think about how ready you are to take on a responsibility like this. We don't need anymore Britney's as parents!!!

Peace out!

Ewey

My last days at the Grawood

2006-04-10T00:36:00.000-04:00

After four years of employment at the Grawood Lounge, I ended my last two shifts on Thursday and Friday night. Most of you may not remember, but I started working in the Corner Pocket, the pool hall/bar, across from the Grawood when it was in the basement of the student union building. Needless to say, I've witnessed all the changes since then. I was there for the move upstairs, and I finally can say that I'm done.

I took Wednesday night off cause I felt like poo, but managed to stay alive to host the last open mic. Hosting these have been a battle. At first, they were great because they were downstairs and I'd just get drunk, play a few songs, and introduce people. Everyone had a great time and no matter if you sucked or not, people loved it - And they also loved 'beat the clock'.

I started hosting between there and the T-room. Steven Bowers came along and we pretty much jammed it up with good old tunes all night long. After my year off, I came back to work. By this time open mics we're in the tubes. No one liked the new bar and there were too many people from Toronto there. J/K bitches!

Last year was a trying time having to build up a new fan base. This year, especially this last semester, we were drawing a decent 150 - 200 people.

Steph and her sister Jenn came by for trivia and managed to catch me in a few songs, but it was great of them to come. Adam Day made good on his promise to bring in the drum kit so we could rock out to a few tunes. Just after the first verse of 3 am by Matchbox Twenty, he sat down and dropped a beat for me. We had some cool acts later on, and Adam and I managed to squeeze in Breakfast at Tiffany's and Mr. Jones. It actually brought me back to the old Grawood days because we had little bitches on the dance floor (sorry if were there dancing and reading this), and had them singing along. Goodtimes!

Friday night was our 'Last Call' - Yes, the last class bash. I was bartending in the vip room. Nothing cooler than making drinks for your friends and getting them loaded off of their asses. It's also cool leaving with a massive stack of cash. Everyone had fun and I managed to say goodbye to a few friends.

I went into the Grawood today to pick up my guitars and shite. I sat on the stage and picked a few tunes because I was all alone in the bar. I thought to myself that I was going to miss it a lot, but another part of me thought that I need a Tim Hortons coffee, so I should go.

All in all, in my four years, I made a lot of friends, said goodbye to a lot of friends, and managed to make my last year at dal the best one yet. I had the best bar shifts, promoted to supervisor, got paid to play on a sweet stage, managed to score a hot girlfriend who likes me back, bought a new 12 stringer, and most importantly I bought CS source and can perform debilitating headshots at will.

Although I am taking a few summer courses to finish, I don't plan on sticking around campus much other than to see my Tim Horton mammas.

Here's a big high five to all of my peeps, and if I don't see you before you leave - Here's a cyber crack on the ass --------------> Go get 'em Bucko!

Peace out crack pots!

Ewey

República Dominicana Bitches!

2006-04-04T17:33:00.000-04:00

Yeah, this will be me on April 18. Diaper and all. Folks, I don't plan on moving my ass for the week. I plan on just crapping myself, bury the dirty evidence in the sand, and slammin on a new diaper baby. Thanks to my dad for splurging and taking us all on a trip to the Dominican!

At first, I said no because I didn't want to miss out on job opportunities, that and I know Stephanie would miss me like crazy and possibly have a minor breakdown. Then dad asked me if she wanted to go. After a little debate, we both broke down and said yes. Think about it though... Who passes up a free trip to the DR? Cripes! It's free booze and food for a week. I can't believe I even had to think about it.

The last couple weeks have been a bit crazy for me. I'm in the middle of writing essays and exams, and working almost everyday at the Grawood makes it a little bit worse. Every year there are at least three of four groups of friends trying to get me to commit to going on a DR or Cuba trip, and I either don't have the time, or I don't have the cash. Well, nothing has changed, but I'm gonna say screw it! Halifax can live without me for a week.

On a sadder note, this Thursday is the last Open Mic for me ever. I've been hosting these at the T-Room and the Grawood for years now. Although I complain about hosting them and saying I never want to do it ever again, I have a little soft spot for the stage and the lights. Chances are the longest running Grawood tradition may come to an end for good, so it makes it a little more special for me. I'm hoping for a great turnout but either way, it's a chance for me to play my new Guitar, Stephanie.

Stephanie (not my guitar) and I managed to make it to the mall to buy some duds to go to the DR. She made out fairly well, and I managed to pick up some shortsies and a t-shirt. Oh, check her site out for pics of the resort. Apparently we're not allowed to go around the resort naked. FYI, I plan on defying that rule to the point where everyone joins in and we take over the whole resort. I'm not talking Will Ferrell and going streaking in the movie Old School. I'm talking an army of 10,000 naked people running around drunk.

Also, I got my Hep. A and B shot the other day, and since then I feel like garbage. I must say, this trip is going to be exactly what I need to unwind. Hang out with the fam and cousins, play in the sand with my wicked cool girlfriend, drink all day and night, eat until I throw up, eat some more, and then crap my diaper.

That's it for now kids!

Ewey

Four Things

2006-03-29T14:03:00.000-05:00

So, I was suppose to do the list of three things, but haven't had the chance to.
Anyway, I will do the list of four things so you can see how much my life is messed up.

Four jobs you've had in your life:
Petrolium product distribution manager
Regional Cosmetic display manager
Kings Edgehill School houseparent and life path fixer
Bartender/Superviser

Four movies you would watch over and over:
Gladiator
Braveheart
Willow
Zoolander

Places you have lived:
Sambro Head NS
Windsor NS
Halifax NS
The alley behind Freemans on Quinpool

Four TV Shows You Love To Watch:
24
Family Guy
Simpsons
CSI Las Vegas

Four websites I visit daily:
Snowydriveway.net
Halifornia.blogspot.com
Whatever, I basically look at whatever Steph is looking at.

Four of my favorite foods:
Big Macs
Pizza
Chicken Burgers
Steak Sammiches

Four places I would rather be right now:
Scotland
Hawaii
The Guinness Brewery in Ireland
The shower

TakaMINE 12 string

2006-03-23T02:11:00.000-05:00

My long awaited Takamine 12 string finally arrived today. If you haven't heard the story on this yet, here it goes.

I had a 12 stringer when I was about 14, sold it for a new 6 string, and ever since, wanted another one. I went into Buckley's music on Quinpool to check out the new inventory and saw this guitar hanging up, shimmering like an angel fresh out of Heaven. I caressed it, stroked it, and even sniffed it, then decided to play it. The sound that came from it gave me shivers. Price tag was a whopping 1200 buckaroos. I chose tuition over the guitar and left the store very sad.

Turns out on Valentines Day that just passed, Stephanie tuned in, no pun intended, to this same story, and decided to give me a ridiculously generous gift certificate to Buckley's so I could finally get the guitar of my dreams. Basically without it, I would have never bought this guitar.

I went back to Buckley's, talked to my buddy Chris in the guitar department and he ordered a couple in since there weren't any more in stock. Told me it would be a couple weeks, so I went on my way, wanting and waiting. Turns out that it was going to be a couple weeks for it to get to Missisauga Ont. and then a few more to get to Halifax. My heart was breaking folks, and I could barely stand it. I waited and waited, no call from Chris to tell me it was in.

About a month and a half went by, which is today, I stopped in before I went to Stephs so I could let Chris know I was very disappointed and I was going to threaten to take my business elsewhere. He saw me before I saw him as I walked in the doors, and says to me "I have a surprise for you Chris". All the nasty words I wanted to say just evaporated and my heart was pounding like the first time I touched a boobie or something. The guitar just arrived and was waiting for me.

He let me have the choice of the two that came in, we jammed on them for a bit, and then it was time to make the deal. Chris felt pretty bad that it took so long, and since I have given them a lot of business over the last couple of years, he took a huge amount off of the ticket price, threw in a hundred dollar case, strings, and picks for free. Then add the present from Steph, I basically got it for nothing. I left with my beauty, a smile, and dammit... I even think I even skipped a little going back to my car.

I have a thing with naming my guitars, so I figured since I wouldn't have this guitar if it wasn't for Stephanie, I'm going to name the guitar Stephanie. How sweet is that? I know, I'm adorable.
So now I have two beautiful girls in my life, and I can play with both of them whenever I want to. w00t two times!

I'll get a pic or two of mine eventually and post it, but for now, take a look at this one.

Roll Up The Rim To LOSE!

2006-03-21T19:13:00.000-05:00

As most of you know, I am an avid coffee and tea drinker. I'll hit up good old Timmy Ho Ho's first thing in the morning, slurp down that golden cocaine, light up a smoke, and allow the nicotine and caffeine combo to pump through my veins. But straight to my point----> I've been counting the amount of coffee/tea's I've bought since the roll up the rim contest has begun. The grand total as of today is 56. That's about $100 dollars, including tip.

Clearly printed on the cup: 1 in 9 chances of winning a prize.

Now, I've been clearly running around on a streak of bad luck because so far I've only won two coffees. That doesn't seem like 1 in 9 to me.

I'm easily convinced that Tim Horton's is screwing us all to make an easy few million. And they'd be happy to know that the more I roll up that large double double and lose, the more I feel the need to buy another one in hopes of winning something.... Dammit, I'd even be happy winning a coffee filter, just so I can say I won something.

It's becoming so clear to me. I can see the roll up the rim planning team now in the board room.

"Ok you stinky rich colleagues, here's our plan. We'll get people addicted to our crack coffee and for the first few years we'll give away a butt load of prizes. Then in 2006, we'll bitch out on prizes, piss the addicts off to the point where they buy just to win, and then we'll all wipe our asses with hundred dollar bills. Oh, and FYI, we're redirecting the change that is suppose to go to our camp kids, and throwing it in our staff party fund."

Oh, yeah I bet that's exactly what those bastards said. At any rate, Tim Hortons, I love your crack loaded coffe and tea and I will keep buying it because I have no self control, but just remember this! Each sip I take, I loath you all and hope you die of the same rotting stomach lining disease that I will inevidably die from.... multiplied by 6.3

Peace out kids!

Ewey

Student Appreciation Night's a bust!

2006-03-20T00:38:00.000-05:00

This was the first SAN I went to in the last five years where I was working and not boozin' my ass off with the good ole boys and girls until the late hours of the morning. No peeps, I was stuck supervising.

I will admit though, after it was all said and done, I was glad I wasn't partaking in the event. Maybe I'm old skool or maybe my mind was hallucinating during the past SAN's, but to my recollection, we partied our asses off until the bitter end. And when that was done, we'd move the party into the Exec offices or back down to the Grawood. Remember the never ending bottles of Lindemans homeless man bottles on the tables? I sure do! Not this year.... Everyone got one drink ticket. Yeah, pretty brutal. Remember there was always a kick ass band that played all night and had us dancing on the tables? Not this year. No, there was an alright jazz band to start, then some chick who played while no one paid attention, and then the kicker.... Some random headlining band that played a classic selection of Shaggy, the Supremes and even felt the need to repeat some songs....! Come the fak on!

Seriously, we're in Nova Scotia. Maybe a band that played some Maritime tunes that make people want to drink. Not go behind the stage and do a line of coke with the band members.

Here's the night according to me:
People enter, bring their single drink ticket to the bar and cash in their big winnings.
Go sit at a table and wait for something exciting to happen.
The exciting part is the half assed dinner.
Go back to see some awards and the slide show that as usual, consists mainly of pictures of the person who made the slide show, and their friends.
Wait for the headline band to finish their first set so they can leave and go somewhere more entertaining. That or stick around and drown the miserable night with cheap booze.

People, it's pretty bad when everyone leaves at 11 pm. This is suppose to be the most bumpin night of the year. The night when everyone just gets blind drunk, makes out with whoever is willing to make out with them, takes home whatever will go home with them, and the night that goes until the morning.

For the last four years, I've watched the Student Union become more and more conservative and I'd even goes as far as to say lazy.

SAN is just another event that proved Union moral is at it's lowest and no one really gives a shit. Not only did SAN use to be a formal event, it also use to be a night to give out awards to members of certain sectors of the union. Not only were there no awards, but there were chicks dressed as if they just rolled out of bed and threw on their 8:30 Intro to Psych clothes. And also, dudes that believe a pair of Levi's and a popped collar is classy.

It seems that every year, someone takes the outline from the previous year, and fucks it up a little more. And every year that goes by, someone uses that mistake and adds another. If you've been around a while, you'd know that every event each year is consistently worse than the previous year. I just feel bad for the each years wave of new students..... (Suckers)

Seeing as this was my last SAN night ever, it's pretty sad to see the year come to a slow, miserable, depressing halt. I'm glad this is my last year because another year like this would be as exciting as seeing how far I can put a Q-tip in my ear.

Watch animal house and learn a lesson on how to party like the late great John Belushi!!

Peace out hommies!

Ewey

Not your typical bar

2006-03-16T02:05:00.000-05:00

I'll share with you my night tending bar at the Grawood.

After stuffing my face with chicken wings, I get my first customer. Just my luck. It's a sorority pledge chick. Here's the convo:

Her: Hey there beautiful!
Me: Hi
Her: How are you?
Me: Well thanks, what can I get you?
Her: I'm not sure. I think I want a.... Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah! Blah blah blah? Blah blah blah blah blah blah, blah blah blah blah.... Blah!
Me: How about a vodka lime?
Her: Oh, ok that sounds fun....!

In the midst of making her drink, which I obviously short poured, I noticed she was holding balloons that had writing on them. So I asked her what her balloons said. Yeah I know, wrong question....

Me: What do your balloons say?
Her: Ooooh, which ones?

You guessed it! She grabs her knockers and gives them a lil' squeeze as if I was suppose to be astounded and flabbergasted.

Me: Ummm, yeah.... That'll be three dollars....

Sorority girls.... *Eye roll*

The end...

The rest of the night consisted of ice cube wars, chatting with some old skool dal peeps, taping up Chelsea with packing tape because she got lippy with me, and making fun of stupid sorority chicks.

Jonny and I had a great idea. Bacardi sluts came in to promote their poison, and decided to give away beads and other shit. The chick with the most beads at the end of the night wins some cash. Hardly enough to reimburse her for her loss of dignity. We decided to grab a handful and sell them to some hard up studs for cash. They had the intent to give them to girls for a grope or a quick boobie flash. At any rate, we made some good coin.

I started a count of how many times people commented on how awesome it is that Stephanie and I are together. Starting at 6 pm until around 1 am, I recorded a grand total of 11 people. I think Steph and I are both pretty quiet people and choose not to blab about our personal lives and how wicked we are as a super hero team, and I do believe that no one really knew about us being together until fairly recently. And not that I don't like talking about how awesome and cool she is, I don't want to do it 11 times in one night. The beauty of being a bartender is that there is always something to do, and I get the chance to cut people off and tell them I have to go. Probably to throw ice cubes at people, but I'm finding that everyone just wants to pry and have all their questions answered. So, if you are one of these 11 people, yes we're together, yes it's a kick ass relationship, and no I don't want to talk to you about it. Well, unless your a friend.

Anyhoo, it was a fun night but my four year affair with the Grawood is soon going to be over, and that makes me a happy camper. I love the abundance of free booze, the good friends, and the countless memories, but I'm fairly certain I'm tired of it and I should pass on the golden bottle opener and bronze bar towel to the next in line.

That's all for now you naughty little people....

Ewey

My Spring Break

2006-02-27T04:07:00.000-05:00

If anyone has ever mentioned the word Dalhousie around me, you know exactly what I say, even if I'm not involved in the convo..... I say as loud as possible... "I hate DAL"
And I do. When I graduate and Dal asks me for money, they're going to get the all time, primo, dirty Sanchez from me.......

Back to my point. It was nice and relaxing to have a week off of classes and a break from the Grawood.

A few of my peeps made their ways to Cuba and the Dom. Rep.

I know this cause I received a voice mail, from a number of like 15 digits claiming, "Ewert wish you were here!!! Cuba rocks!! WOOO HOOO!!!"

Now if you left me that message, let me know because I'm probably going to hit you up for some cool souvenirs and booze that you brought back!

I honestly wanted a care-free, relaxing, chilled out break. That's pretty much what I received.

I managed to spend almost every day and night with Steph, which is damn cool in my books knowing that we can spend that much time together and not be at each others throat. We watched a few movies, a lot of the tele, ordered in a couple times, got drunk a few times. Managed to kick it with Wasko while he was here for an evening.

I have to give her mad props for putting up with me and a huge high fiver for making me laugh for a week.

Now, as you may know, I have a serious issue about cats. I hate them and wish they all would die. Steph informed me long in advance that she would be taking care of her sisters cat Milo conveniently over my spring break. I really didn't want to spend my spring break paranoid about a cat pulling out some matrix shit on my white ass, and killing me in seconds (just like my re occuring dreams).

After a day or so, the death stares from Milo subsided. I think we both came to the realization that we just had to deal with each other being in the same vicinity. He sniffed me more and more each day, I gave him few sniffs back, we had breakfast together at 6 am when everyone else was asleep, and we took a few naps together. Now, don't be gross... Just a nap folks!

But now Donna and Mike are coming back and they're taking Milo away. I'm a little sad cause I might just miss that little stinky fuzz ball. It's almost like a movie to me.... Kinda like when one kid is waving from the backseat of his parents car to his best friend on the street corner, as he moves 10,000 miles away. Although, they only live five minutes down the street.

At any rate, spring break was a good stress reliever for me, but now it's back to the books. Those horrible tree bi products that weigh my book bag down.

Hope everyone had a memorable break, did absolutely no reading whatsoever, and made it out with as many brain cells as possible....

Peace out friendzo's!

Ewert