A Thrillemic Weekend!!!

I've had one helluva weekend folks! It started off with a screening of 1992's "Army of Darkness".

Hosted by local film fanatics Jason Eisener, Mark Palermo, Stephen Cooke, Zach Tovey, John Davies, Rob Cotterill at the Empire 6 Cinema in Dartmouth. <----Directly copied and pasted from their Facebook page, which you should check out people!!!!! Search for "The Thrillema"..... People, if you love classic movies, outrageous movies, and even slightly sadistic movies, you must join this group! As a matter of fact, the next movie to be showing is Robocop!!!! Yes, I did say it.... Robocop!!!! These guys are doing amazing work to bring back so many of our favorite movies back to the big screen and packing the theater with people who could not be more excited to watch these classics. Accomplished individuals themselves, they seem to be striking a rock note with everyone because of their movie choices... Which I'm sure can not be an easy decision. Their Mission You Ask? It is as follows: "Our mission is to bring together the Halifax/Dartmouth film watching community to gather and watch 35mm prints of some of our favorite movies." <--- Again, directly copied and pasted from the Facebook Group. Damn fine mission boys! Check it again guys ---> 'The Thrillema' on Facebook!

AND THEN..... took off to PEI on Friday evening for a random adventure with some great friends. I refuse to post pictures because it started out by dry humping the giant blueberry in Oxford. Folks, it didn't get any prettier from there.....

AND THEN..... I had the Monday off, so Good Old Zwickster and I went shopping for a new home theater, Eff you all up in your face, system.... Pretty bad ass series. I hope you and Amy love it!

AND THEN..... 24 <----The best show on earth!!! I end it here because I will be preparing a post on how much you smell like Vienna Sausage if you don't watch 24. Take a hint... Watch 24
5 Ewey points to the following people for this weekend: Jason, Megan, Zwick, Amy, Jamie, Jennie, Keith, Tom, Rob, Titty-Tat, and the crew from The Thrillema!

Once you have earned 30 Ewey points, you may redeem them for a drunk night with me!
Not refundable for cash, only Canadian Tire money. Valid only in Halifax because anything outside of it, I consider venturing. I don't like to venture.

Mostly yours,

Ewey

Frank Magazine.... Is It Worth Stealing?

Everyday I make it to a gas station or somewhere that has Frank Magazine stand. And everyday I read the cover from a safe distance for fear of someone ridiculing me for touching it. I've heard some nasty reviews from people that have been personally offended from a previous issue. But I also am taunted by it for the hilarity I sometimes see on the cover.

Mostly because I see Steve Murphy from the CTV News on the cover, grinning at me from week to week. I still have to investigate this matter, but it does seem like Good Ole' Steve has struck a chord with Frank. For some reason, I get the feeling it's for a non-favorable reason.

I read the first few chapters of Steve Murphy's book 'Before The Cameras", while at some sort of party. In hindsight, the party must have been pretty damn craptacular to read a book.....

At any rate, I've been tempted to take one off of the shelf and slide it into my back pocket, while no one is looking, to give it a good read. Yes, I frequently steal items that have a value of less than 3 dollars.

The only reason I am tempted by this bright covered, flimsy paged magazine is because from time to time, I burst out in laughter in a line-up and have to try and explain what made me laugh hard enough to warrant a shamWOW urine cleanup.

Someone once told me I should write for Frank Magazine, but at that time I wasn't sure if it was an insult or a compliment.

So, tomorrow morning when I go to grab my morning coffee and pack of three trojan condoms that I hide in random places I go throughout the course of my day, I will be stealing a Frank Magazine to see what is actually behind the cover. I urge you all to steal one as well, and let me know your thoughts. I also urge you to buy condoms and hide them in funny places. A friends top right desk drawer, throw one in the back seat of your buddies car so his girlfriend can find it later, or even just throw a thumb tack through one and stick it to someones ceiling. Maybe someday it will get lost in the shuffle, after being found, be used, and then you can congratulate someone on their unsuspecting pregnancy.

I apologize to some of you for going behind your backs and reading this magazine you loathe, but curiosity is something I thrive on and I must know the truth for myself!

Expect a follow up post to "Frank Magazine.... Is It Worth Stealing?"

Until next post,

Ewey

ShamWOW!!! That Magic Bullet Is As Fast As Tony Little's Gazelle!!!

OK, check it out folks!

You haven't lived until you've seen the hilarity of some of these famous infomercial products!!! I pee a little sometimes because I laugh so hard. Some of the acting is so unbelievably absurd and theatrical, it actually makes the product more appealing because you can easily tell that the product is brighter than the acting.

At any rate, check out these pieces of hilarity. The last few I added their online description just for a larffle.

Comin' at ya!

Gotta love the Tobi Steamer! For the people who would rather move their arm up and down to get the wrinkles out instead of side to side....

The Thy Master is by far a classic. Because of this infomercial and Suzanne Somers, I realized at the ripe age of 4 that only a beautiful woman could make me feel this happy down in the rattle snake den. What a woman! Even at her actual age of 76, she is still a knock-out

ShamWOW! This guy is hilarious! For a little weazel, he does a good job. ShamWOW has made it into my regular vocabulary now. "Dude, I shamwowed dog sh*t all over his windshield" or "No way?! ShamWOW'd in the face?!?!"

I'm glad that Tony Little survived his insane accident and all, but if Tony flexed any harder for this 'Gazelle' photo opp, he'd shoot out his lower intestine across the room like it was silly string

Every time I see the Magic Bullet infomercial, I always watch it! Somehow, it amazes me every single time. Best part is, I got one for Christmas and I LOVE it!!! I'm gonna Magic Bullet the ShamWOW out of everything conceivable.

This is the 'Back 2 Life' product. Now it's time to get back to reality. I refuse to use something on my painful back that looks like something you sling your gremlin case over on a 4am drunken escapade with Sue Johanson (Sex with Sue), only because she promises you'll love how it feels..... As she snaps tight, a rubber glove. The pillow is simply for recovery afterward....

"The Hollywood 48 Hour Miracle Diet ® is a special "Miracle Juice" that has been scientifically formulated, so that in just 48 hours you will cleanse your body and lose up to 10 pounds! The Hollywood Diet was created to give your internal body a "vacation" by washing away unhealthy toxins and fat,..."

That's just hilarity in itself... What exactly is this "Miracle Juice" you speak of?





Invisilift
"InvisiLifts allow you to wear prettier, less supportive bras and will keep the nipple from pointing downward."

Because no one likes a saggy nip.... Could you imagine picking up the girl at the bar wearing this product? Could you imagine the look on the poor guys face when high beams switch to low beams? This world is not right.... NOT RIGHT!



Rio Laser Hair Removal
"The Rio Laser Hair Removal Systems are designed for home use. You can now enjoy the benefits of permanent hair reduction without paying for expensive salon treatments."

Just to prove my point EVEN MORE!!!! For all you know, you could be dating a woman, who by all rights, should be proud of the beard she can grow.... It's bad when the wifey can pull off the Tom Selleck stache better than you can...




HD Vision WrapArounds™

"HD Vision technology gives you clarity that you have never experienced

Enhance your vision
Just like High Definition TV
Lightweight & durable
Modern European Style"

Are you flippin kidding me?!?! Do you think we're ALL 95 year olds, that collapse and convulse at the very contact with natural sunlight? "One second dear, let me put on my high definition sun glasses" And Modern European Style???? That's right Bucko! You're the hippest cat at the bingo hall showing Gladys how fast you can dab your called numbers with your revolutionary HD sunglasses....

That's it folks! If you peed a little as well, ShamWOW it up!


Ewey

Eweys New Years Drunken Downhill Spiral - Complete With Pics!!!

I don't know about the rest of you, but 2008 in my books was one helluva craptacular year. The technical meaning of craptacular is 'wow, i'd rather scoop my eyes out with a spoon'

But I won't let that get me down. No, not this year! I am set up nicely for a great year, I do believe. I feel great, I'm working out, I am rid of the greedy and mean spirited ex's, and I have surrounded myself with great friends and family. On top of that, I am taking steps in right directions. Isn't that what life is all about folks?

I hope all of you had a great New Years and wish you all the very best in 2009!

Here are some pics of my demise, in order to the best of my knowledge, throughout the New Years bash at Geoff and Jennie's place!

I look pretty respectable at the start of the night, don't I?

A little group shot of Jennie, Geoff, Sonya and I

Geoff and I about to throw some darts

1 maybe 2 sneak in's in one photo!

I found a hat! Notice how we all look like we're about to walk into the hall of shame

Let the shame begin with a set of handcuffs and rhumskees

Still in cuffs, now on Roxy's bed.... Maybe that's where I belong...? Yes? No?

Apparently, this maneuver is supposed to seduce women. It worked!

Found a different hat and a karaoke machine! Time for Camille and I to double team Brittany and hit her one more time

"Oops, I did it again"

"Killin' me noooow"

Still in cuffs? Jebus! I'm pretty sure Geoff and I we're trying to bust a rhyme, and this is where I clued in to the severity of my 'whiteyness'

This is where shame set in. Roxy was embarrassed of me too, but her only advice was to go woof myself

The next morning Sonya decided to dress me up, or maybe I was still drunk. Either way, I'm wearing unacceptable outerwear

And to finish it all off in true New Scotland fashion, I head out to help Geoff shovel snow, hung over, ashamed, but knowing full well that I can't help it

I would like to personally thank Marcia for not publishing the picture of my fun dog that I accidentally took on her camera. Also, big ups to Geoff and Jennie for a great New Years bash and to everyone who attended who made me laugh all night long!

Happy 2009 everyone!


Stay tuned for hilarious infomercial products that keep us amused!

Signing off,

Ewey