i-Pods & Dragon Flies?

Hey again folks!

OK! This is such a queer story and I don't mean in the gay way. I'm talking super messed up queer! So I'm out today to business depot to pick up some stationary supplies for my office, and I'm like 'shizzypizzles! I need Cd's to record music on!'

So I saunter over to the '73(hn0 933k' section. That means 'techno geek' in geek terms.

And I really did saunter too. No need to rush....

I just wanted cheapest Cd's because I'm burning something for someone else. And before you say 'oh, what a cheapo', think about this! You'd do it too! If you're asking someone else to burn something for you, it's assumed that you're getting crap ass Cd's anyway. It's like an unwritten rule.

So, I get my Cd's along with my stationary. And I love my stationary! Who doesn't? Think about it! Stationary products do some of the coolest shizz ever! It's all so simple but amazes people. Stupid name for cool office supplies if you ask me. Stationary products are all over the place, far from stationary really. Oh this will be fun!

Here's my top 5, for new names for stationary products, as follows:

1. Yeah right?

2. No way?

3. What the fu*%?

4. Holy crab nuts!

5. Check this shizz out!


Now, I know every single one of you have said at least one of those top 5 when you saw some mind blowing stationary. Stationary that sharpens a pencil, trims your nails, mists your face, dispenses a pez candy, and shoots laser beams at co-workers you don't like, all while complimenting your posture and charming looks. It's out there man, it's out there.....

Anyway, I saw an i-Pod on sale, and I'm the only person in the world who doesn't have one and I thought I'd treat myself to something. Because statistics show that shiny nonsense, material things, and money, actually DO make people happy.

So I get back to the office and whip it out! Then I grabbed my i-Pod out of the bag and plugged it in to my computer. You may be wondering what the first thing I whipped out is..... It's not what you think, dirty people. I was doing my whip dance. It's a combo between rocking it out and whipping stuff. Try it sometime. It's fun!

I whipped it back in it's holster and sat down. Grabbed my Cd's and realized that the tops of them were covered in record vinyl. A cute gimmick, yes. But then it all hit me, like an 84 year old woman hits a German Sheppard and keeps going because she didn't even notice in the first place.

So, I sat there with Cd's that looked like records, holding an i-Pod, plugged into my computer, all atop my 20 year old desk in a 914 year old building. I was really confused and astonished all at once and decided that I needed to do something about this immediately!

I went outside and had a smoke, and few sips of of my green tea and thought for a moment.

Unfortunately, my thoughts turned into chasing a dragonfly across the street, and that was the end of that!

Moral of the story you ask? See a doctor about your attention deficit disorders before it gets so bad that you can't focus long enough to make the appointment.

Until next time,

Ewey


Oh yeah, I almost forgot! Speaking of disorders.... I found this pic on the internet. What's up with this kid? And the man with his trousers down? Just imagine actually being there, the moment the picture was taken and think about how messed up that moment is. But on a brighter note, that kid is a legend!!!! Bwahahaha

Do You Have Super Powers?

I won't get into details, but a new show has crossed my path that I never had the chance to watch before. I really mean that too. The show is called 'Heroes'. I've never seen the show on tv before. And yes, I do have cable. Here is the quick premise of the show ..... "Heroes," an epic drama that chronicles the lives of ordinary people who discover they possess extraordinary abilities.

And yes, I did copy and paste that :p

I knew for a few days that the season premiere came and went and didn't think much of it. But my friend Kara said it was amazing and I have to watch it. Big ups by the way! Cool show most def. So, I recapped the season premiere on the website and had an excuse to watch it. I have full blown withdrawls because 24 isn't on yet and I've been waiting forever for it to come back, so I need a new show to bide me some time. Turns out that heroes is awesome and there are so many wicked and hilarious super powers.

Anyhoo, I watched it it was great and I'll definatly watch the rest of the season and possibly illegally download the previous seasons, just to break the law..... Cause that's how I roll in this town.

At any rate, this all brings me to the question, are we capable of super powers? If you happen to know an answer to this question, call me for real! I would really love to know how I can get mine. That would just be delicious!

And I'm not talking useless super powers like, 'I can stick a Q-tip 3 inches into my ear canal' or 'I can understand what dolphins are saying when they dolphiquack to me'.

I'm talking 'Last night I ate Taco Bell. An Hour later I farted so hard.... I messed up all the planets orbit around the sun, and now... technically, it's really 11:30 pm and not 9:46 am'.... or 'I can make my breasts grow bigger'. That one is my favorite.

Now I'm not sure if girls tried to immitate She-Ra or Wonder Woman and their super powers, but I as a young lad, tried to physically accomplish the super power after I saw it done by the original super hero.

I tried to fly first of all.... Well, first with an umbrella like Mary Poppins just to see if it was cool before I tried it like Superman. I'm not that stupid. I've tried to be invisible, i've tried to transform into something that was awesome. Turns out it worked! I'm cool because I have my own blog. All of this brings me to.... Star Wars! Bare with me here girls! For real..... You may learn a little something about how much of a boy is in your man.

Now guys, I don't care who you are, how old you are, or what religion you are. After you watch Star Wars, if you don't atleast think about it, you try it.

That's right. You try to move shit too.... Don't even deny it. I know every one of you have atleast tried to move something with your hand, or waved your hand in front of someones face and say ' These aren't the droids you're looking for'.

It's true. All men want to have "The Force". And yes, partly because it'd be so unbelievably cool to be able to say 'May The Force be with you', nod your head, smirk, grab your light saber and bust outta there in a super cool way!

Anyway, you think of your super power and I'll share with you what mine would be, if it could be just one thing.

I would have the ability...... To allow people the ability to burp bubbles that flash like strobe lights in an absorbent array of colors that get brighter the more drunk the person is.

Those would be the funniest parties... Picture it..... "Hey, check out Billy's bubbles man! He's wasted!" hahaha

Until next time,

I'm Ewey

Check Yo Laces!

Hey folks!

I thought I'd share this with you all. An old man told me this story the other day. He used a few numbers and fractions which made no sense, and I felt the need to solve for 'x' after he was done, but this is the message that I believe he was trying to get across.







So the story goes:

Over time, each step a man takes will stretch his shoe ever so slightly. Little by little, everyday, the laces will stretch and will no longer be even. Not even like they are when you first put that new shoe on your foot.

Many men will watch the laces get more uneven as the days and weeks go by, struggling to tie their shoe with one long lace and one very short stub of a lace. These are the men who do their best to pull on the short one, hoping that you can make it longer without breaking the lace. The problem is never solved and only given a temporary fix to be only bearable.

Other men take the time to not let this 'loafer lace syndrome' become a morning fixture day after day. These men will actually take the time to pull the laces out and make the two ends even, once again.

But the really smart will take the designated 're lace session' time, and remember when he first put those shoes on and took his first step, where those shoes have taken him thus far, and where he wants those shoes to take him until the laces are dry and frayed and the tired soles are too worn to manage.

Think about how far you've come, where you are, and let every step in your shoes and even laces, be one step closer to where you want to go.


Nice story.... I know. I'm the one who decided to relay it on to you. Personally, I always have my laces even, only because I have huge obsessive compulsive issues and everything needs to have a balance or bad things happen!

After I read this, I made it a point to check my laces again. They were pretty damn even, but I still unlaced them and started from the beginning. The only bad part is that all I could think of at the time is that I am fairly certain, that amidst my downtown adventure last night, full of happy fun punch, I'm sure that I stepped in something with a poo like consistency and tried to wipe it off on a building, a tree, a different building, and finally..... some poor schmucks bicycle petal. Worked quite well to be honest. Hopefully he didn't have to get pissed at his shoe laces that morning and come out to a wad of unspeakable matter on his bike petal. Hahahaha!



Remember folks! Chin up, shoulders back, chest out, aaaaand walk.......

Peace!

Ewey