Top 10 No No's While Drinking
Folks! Fact is, the majority of us drink. And most of will be doing that over the Holidays as if it we're a marathon to win eternal life. What I have compiled is a special Top 10 list of No No's that we have to keep in mind while we are partying it up at house parties and the bars.
Pay close attention, write a few of these down and tuck them away in your purse or wallet for future reference, or maybe even a handy pocket guide as you go forth and spread merry to others. Spread merry????........
Anyway, comin' atcha!!!! Top 10
10. Say no to telling everyone you know that you bump into about how much you love them. I'm sure a few of you do this and you know it.... Keep in mind this also mean keeping your arms at your sides and not extending them for huggles and smoochies.
9. Just say no to confessing your love to that person who obviously doesn't feel the same way about you, or that person who is just so far out of your league that you are playing two different sports all together. Much like football compared to blind folded ringette.
8. Even though you may have had enough to drink to make you feel like an unstoppable love machine, it is a no no to grab a woman's fun buns and love jugs, or a mans nifty noodle. Well, most men wouldn't care, but you get the point.
7. If you've gotten to the point where you notice that you are slurring your words a little, it is a complete no no to attempt words such as Judicial, Preliminary, Specificity, and Cinnamon.
6. If you meet someone for the first time and they have a massive growth or boogie on their face, it is a definite no no to break eye contact and let your eyes wander and stare directly at the 'WTF' on their face.
5. If you've thrown up your Doritos, jelly beans, pizza, and your vodka shooters, you must not, in any way, thinks it's alright to go back to the party until your brush twice, and/or gargle 3-6 times with Listerine. Let's face it.... Barf has a nasty hum to it. people notice that shizz man!
4. When you're at the stage of "I know the answer to everything, so let me elaborate to you', for everybody's sake and safety, put your bottle or glass down and then begin with your ridiculous hand waving and gestures. No one likes a drunk spilly talker.
3. If you are one of the less fortunate, and end up taking home the pot bellied bar star from the local watering hole that everyone else you know has already had a few cracks at, it is a no no to go to sleep without setting your cell phone alarm to an early hour in the am. Do not stick around for bacon and eggs. And if you forget where you're at when you're leaving, check their address on their mail, call a cab, and get outta there!!! Huge ups to J-Kurz for that bit of advice :)
2. Obviously, do not drink and drive, but if you are in a car and need to spit your junk, do not wait until the last second. You are not Jack Bauer and you can't miraculously find a way to get the driver to stop, undo your seat belt, unlock the door, and barrel roll to a safe distance of 5 feet, all in under 4.7 seconds.
1. If you are drunk enough to not care about how people may see you, or you are just oblivious to everything else around you, do not think it's OK to scratch yourself in compromising ways or pick pieces of fabric out of tight spaces. Suck it up, go to the washroom, and let loose. Otherwise, everyone else will think you caught the crabs from Paris Hilton and nobody needs a mental image of wedgies. As Cleveland from Family Guy would say.... "That's just nasty!"
There it is y'all ! Enjoy the plate full of No No's as you enjoy your festivities this Christmas. Be safe, have fun, but most of all, have some public decency so you can make fun and laugh at the other people who don't.
Always yours,
Ewey
Pay close attention, write a few of these down and tuck them away in your purse or wallet for future reference, or maybe even a handy pocket guide as you go forth and spread merry to others. Spread merry????........
Anyway, comin' atcha!!!! Top 10
10. Say no to telling everyone you know that you bump into about how much you love them. I'm sure a few of you do this and you know it.... Keep in mind this also mean keeping your arms at your sides and not extending them for huggles and smoochies.
9. Just say no to confessing your love to that person who obviously doesn't feel the same way about you, or that person who is just so far out of your league that you are playing two different sports all together. Much like football compared to blind folded ringette.
8. Even though you may have had enough to drink to make you feel like an unstoppable love machine, it is a no no to grab a woman's fun buns and love jugs, or a mans nifty noodle. Well, most men wouldn't care, but you get the point.
7. If you've gotten to the point where you notice that you are slurring your words a little, it is a complete no no to attempt words such as Judicial, Preliminary, Specificity, and Cinnamon.
6. If you meet someone for the first time and they have a massive growth or boogie on their face, it is a definite no no to break eye contact and let your eyes wander and stare directly at the 'WTF' on their face.
5. If you've thrown up your Doritos, jelly beans, pizza, and your vodka shooters, you must not, in any way, thinks it's alright to go back to the party until your brush twice, and/or gargle 3-6 times with Listerine. Let's face it.... Barf has a nasty hum to it. people notice that shizz man!
4. When you're at the stage of "I know the answer to everything, so let me elaborate to you', for everybody's sake and safety, put your bottle or glass down and then begin with your ridiculous hand waving and gestures. No one likes a drunk spilly talker.
3. If you are one of the less fortunate, and end up taking home the pot bellied bar star from the local watering hole that everyone else you know has already had a few cracks at, it is a no no to go to sleep without setting your cell phone alarm to an early hour in the am. Do not stick around for bacon and eggs. And if you forget where you're at when you're leaving, check their address on their mail, call a cab, and get outta there!!! Huge ups to J-Kurz for that bit of advice :)
2. Obviously, do not drink and drive, but if you are in a car and need to spit your junk, do not wait until the last second. You are not Jack Bauer and you can't miraculously find a way to get the driver to stop, undo your seat belt, unlock the door, and barrel roll to a safe distance of 5 feet, all in under 4.7 seconds.
1. If you are drunk enough to not care about how people may see you, or you are just oblivious to everything else around you, do not think it's OK to scratch yourself in compromising ways or pick pieces of fabric out of tight spaces. Suck it up, go to the washroom, and let loose. Otherwise, everyone else will think you caught the crabs from Paris Hilton and nobody needs a mental image of wedgies. As Cleveland from Family Guy would say.... "That's just nasty!"
There it is y'all ! Enjoy the plate full of No No's as you enjoy your festivities this Christmas. Be safe, have fun, but most of all, have some public decency so you can make fun and laugh at the other people who don't.
Always yours,
Ewey
posted by Christopher Ewert | 8:59 PM
1 Comments:
lots of good advice here chris,
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