This is how people found Ewey's Blog Town???

Hey there folks!

I thought you would all get a laugh out of this. Through my blog spot, I can check to see how people managed to find my blog spot through google and other people's web spaces.

Here are a few ways people found Ewey's Blog Town and the criteria they typed in to find me.

1.' halifax welsford two bedroom' ---> (Nothing weird here)

2. 'ewey night in my dreams i see you i feel you'-----> (This seems like the lyrics to a Celine Dion song but they mis spelled every with ewey)

3. "has man hands" "are massive" ----> (This is just a bit creepy)

4. 'how to take the suntan lotion that made me turn orange' ---> (Not only does it not make grammatical sense, someone actually turned themselves orange)

5. 'quotes about always feeling like you are knocked back down when you try to pick yourself back up' -----> (I feel bad for this poor soul who is in the shitter right now)

6. 'man posing with hand on crotch' -----> (It blows my mind that people actually search for this smut)

7. 'apart from society wise quote' -----> (A little weird, but at least it's not graphic)

8. 'transmission fluid to stain fence' -----> (Someone is using transmission fluid to stain their fence???)


That's all I have for now, but don't be fooled.... Some of these searches are really messed up things to google. It does not mean, however, that because my web page came up, it is full of dirty hand on crotch's, Celine Dion, massive man hand kind of crap.

Paris Hilton about to be eaten alive!

The day I've been waiting for folks! Paris 'man hands' Hilton is going to be serving 45 days in the slammer for being a slutty, stupid, worthless piece of moldy giraffe poop!

Evidently she isn't suppose to be driving because she is the dumbest woman (minus her hands which previously belonged to an 11 foot tall circus giant) on the face of the earth. Being the most useless waste of life that she is, she screwed that one up claiming she didn't know she wasn't suppose to be driving, even though the court issued papers, detailing that in no way is she suppose to be operating a motor vehicle, was found in her 'man glove' compartment.

Sorry guys, if you think she's hot and want to make passionate love to her, I should flick poo in your face faster than an orangutan can squeeze it out. Aside from her wicked witch of the west nose, her sorry excuse for a chest, the two lane wind tunnel between her legs that a new breed of crabs call home..... She has MAN HANDS!!!!! For real! Check it out!

Those puppies are massive. She could strangle a grizzly bear with ease with one hand, all while scratching herself with the other.

Last I heard, Paris was on her way to play bat catcher for the Angels when she got pulled over.

Anyhoo, I am super happy that she's going to the slammer. Not nearly long enough, but good for now. I'm sure she will make a lot of women happy in the big house as they douse her down with talcum powder and show her who's the boss.

Take that Paris! And don't forget to call your inmates Sir. They just may go easy on you.... But that's not really your style, is it?

Booya!

I hope your rat dog dies and they mail it to you in a cake.

Love always,

Ewey

14 things that will piss off your roommate

Hey folks! I was talking to a 'friend' today, and she was telling me about how all of her personal belongings are either broken or smell funny. She then proceeded to tell me that her roommate hates her. I don't believe she put 2 and 2 together, but I did. My deductive logic and reasoning lead me to believe that her roommate is messing up all of her shizz. Even though she didn't clue in to it, I didn't tell her I thought her roommate is screwing with her because I thought it was funny. I know, I'm a sick individual.

Here are a few of my own home remedies to get back at a roommate who you can't stand.

- Every morning when you take a shower, take a wizz on their shower puff. The thought of them washing themselves with your pee is hilarious.

- Take apart their pens and put a pin hole at the base of the ink well. They're bound to get it all over their fingers and hopefully their face. They'll prolly just think they bought defective pens.

- Take a razor or a utility knife and neatly slice out every 14th page of the book they are reading. If it's a student, nail their text book. They're bound to miss some vital questions on their exam.

- When they are cooking their food, slip in some whey protein/creatine in when they aren't looking. After a while they will gain a few pounds.

- Once they gain a few pounds, do your laundry, do some of theirs and try your best to shrink it. After a while they will believe they are getting fat and start to freak out. Then you can call them fat ass and make them cry.

- Go on their computer and purposely download viruses.

- If they go tanning, replace half of their tanning accelerator with SPF 60 sun tan lotion. This will make them wonder why the hell they can't tan.

- Or, replace half of their tanning accelerator with skin bronzer so they turn orange and ugly.

- When they buy new shampoo, replace half of it with nair hair remover. C'mon! Now that's just funny when they lose clumps of hair.

- Tell everyone you know that your roommate is looking for a random hook up and one night stand, then encourage them to go out to the bars.

- Or, tell everyone you know that your roommate has herpalitus and fungi nip disease.

- Every so often, throw out one of their socks, so eventually they are all mis matched.

- Sit your bare bottom on their pillows and watch t.v. for a few hours.

- Use their email address to download porn, and also subscribe them to an offensive magazine and have it sent to where they work.

That's just a few things to do to make sure you have a laugh at your horrible roommate. And be sure to hide bits of sardines around the apartment before you move out. It makes for a fun guessing game for them and quite a funk.

Bill Cosby endorses all of these suggestions and thinks it's cool!

Adios!

Ewey