Wise quotes for 2007

Here are a few quotes I've come across that may be helpful to you for this new year. I may or may not have made them up, but read them and enjoy!

All the best folks!

Ewey



If you shat in your bed, you're bound to roll over in it. When you do, it's better warm than cold.

If you fall off your bike, kick it!

It's better to have loved and lost than it is to have loved her mother the whole time secretly. Then it's just awkward.....

If you get knocked down, go for the low blow before you get back up.

If you bump into a homeless man, don't take his soup.

Always reach for the stars, but do it discretely for the fear of looking like a tard...

Only take what you need. After that, just tell them you're taking some for your "friend."

If you find that you are lost in life, play with your belly button until things become clear and/or irritated.

Always hold on to your dreams and just tell people you accomplished them.

When you're down on yourself, get implants.

Always be a friend to those in need, unless those in need have a flatulence issue.

Enjoy the greenery around you, but burn all the thorn bushes to teach the other thorn bushes a lesson.

Enjoy blowing out the candles, but make it noticeable that you spit on the cake so you can have more for yourself.

When it's cold outside don't worry. Take your shoe laces and tie them around your ankles and fart as much as you can.

If you can't train your significant other, just start breaking their things.

When you need someone to talk to, call a 1-800 number...... Seriously!

When you're in love with someone else, don't get caught.

If you get caught, deny, deny, deny!

If you feel like life is suffocating you, drown your goldfish with air.

If your flatulence is noticed, look at someone else and give them dirty looks.

If you can't remember someones name, just call them big shooter.

If the grass is greener on the other side of the fence, graffiti the other side of the fence.

If you don't have anything nice to say, eat a big mac to pass the time.

The power of love is a force to be reckoned with, so is Darth Vader.

If at first you don't succeed, get someone else to do it for you.

If at any time you are scared, use the fetal position and use it right good!

Maritime Love

We finally are seeing the winter weather!!! It's been such a mild winter so far, I was starting to get worried. Anyhoo, here's my little story of doing a good deed and the display of kindness of the good old Maritimer.

I was walking from my place to Tim Hortons, as we good, faithful Maritimers do, and I noticed a mini van on Quinpool road and it seemed to be stalled. That's when I noticed that good old red fluid coming from underneath. No, not blood. Yes, transmission fluid....

The man pops out of the van, mind you it's 4 o'clock traffic and Quinpool is packed!

He looked at me with that, "This is my shitty luck, please help!" look.

I went over and told him that his transmission fluid is leaking. I felt kinda bad for the dude and his wife in the passenger seat.

Anyhoo, I told him to get his wife to drive and we'll push. No, not because women can't push a car, but she was about 5 feet tall and about the same thickness as a thorn.

Anyway, we start pushing in traffic and before I knew it, another dude jumped in and was aiding the cause. Then another dude!!!!

Now this is what I call Maritime comradery!

Here's the funny part....

This chick jumps in, about my age, 24 or 25 and she helps. So she's pushing, and she looks down and sees the red transmission fluid in the snow and says, 'oooooh the car is bleeeeding..... hehehehehe!'

That's when I said to myself, this girl is stupid as old hell! But we needed the help to get the van up the hill into the Quinpool Towers parking lot.

By this time we weren't making much progress, so the man who owned the van asked a women walking by if she could help.

Her reply is 'I can't! These are my new gloves.'
That's when I said she must be from Ontario.... We all had a good laugh over that!

Anyway, one more person jumps in and we get him into the parking lot.

The man thanked us and we all wished him the best of luck and all went on our merry way as if we were just doing what we would do on any other day.

Moral of the story... It's nice to know we still have that maritime hospitality even though it seems that it's becoming more and more non-existent as the years go by.

So folks, if you see someone in distress, make it a point to help if you can. It's appreciated and you might even feel a bit better about the kind of person you are at the end of it.

Maritime love,

Ewey