The Update - November 16, 2009

Folks, I have a lot to talk about! I know I'm a slack ass when it comes to keeping this Blog Town updated but some news is better than no news.

First and foremost, I'm 28! WOOOOHOOOOO! Secondly, the new Axe Detailer Shower Tool for men is probably the best invention that has ever been created! Please note the urgency of this people! If you're one of those guys who think that this is a floofy shower puff, well.... You're wrong. It's a floofy puff with a rubber grip which changes everything. And flip that mofo around, and you have an abrasive circular side to scrub your feet, bum, or balzeenies! Seriously guys, go and buy one. You will not be disappointed. You will be detailed and feel like a mill when you get out of the shower!

Secondly, your Mayor (that's me) has a Mayorette! In case that makes absolutely no sense to you, that means I have a girlfriend.... And she is super hot, super cool, and super British!

Her name is Chrissie and she is probably the nicest, sweetest, most caring and giving person I have ever met, and everything she says sounds better than the way you say it!

Due to restrictions and legalities by the witness protection programme, I am not allowed to post a picture of her on this website, although I'm sure you can find her somewhere on my facebook. Awe, just kidding... She's legit

Wow, here is something else! My wonderful Mother has taken a little adventure out west to see what kind of trouble she can get herself into. Everyone from the Blog Town gives Momma two thumbs up, a high five, and a yee-effin-haw! Be good and have fun!

Picked myself up a Blackberry Storm and I love it and I hate it, but it keeps me connected. 304F0F27 is my BBM, so if you are a part of this Blackberry Nation, BBM me. Or if you're old skool Blackberry, PIN me Kiddo.

Quickly, here is my latest annoyance. Went to Parade Square for the Remembrance Day Ceremony which I attend every year either here in Halifax or in Windsor. Such a lovely day for it. Sun was shining, mild and calm. There was even a huge ass dog named Ben who stood next to me and smelled my feet. Here is my problem and someone better fix it! It seems that every single business, organization, or group feels the need to have a shout out at the RD Ceremony. By rights, the RD ceremony should only take an hour, but because everyone wants to hear their business/group being called out and wants to lay a wreath, it takes an extra bloody hour to get through it. For serious, some of the veterans there don't have that much time and I think the last thing they want to hear is "And now the staff and morons from the who gives a shit store on Quinpool road would like to lay their wreath"

SERIOUSLY?!?!?!?!? Someone do something! NOW!

How about this HRM. Take every donation, say all of their names in one big run on sentence, buy one kick ass glow in the dark wreath with sparklers and pretty bows, and shut the party down so we can all go to Tim Horton's and buy our deserving veterans a Large Double Double!

Lastly, I have hunkered down out here in Brookside with Geoff, Jennie, and Roxy! My new room is lilac with pretty dolphins and a peacock feather. It's been a while since I've lived outside of the city and I am trying to get used to the sound of silence instead of muggings and drunk, belligerent people. I do like it here and I complete the tricycle nicely. Big ups to them for opening their door and their refrigerator to me!

That's it for now folks... You've just been massively updated!

With All My Love,

Ewey

Ewey's Vacay Part 2!

Hey there people! Here is the second installment of my vacay. This is my jont to Cape Breton. Thanks for chuggin' through the vids with me. I know some are lengthy but be sure to check the last video as I wrap it all up! I have a few more days of vacation left and I plan on just relaxing.


Peace out for now truckers!

Ewey's Vacay Starting With PEI

Hey Folks!

It's been a while but I'm back. This time with pictures AND video!!!!

I'm rocking my new Blackberry Storm and have decided to video whatever I can.

This last week involved Kevin and Amy's wedding in beautiful Rustico PEI. Following that, my trip over to Cape Breton for some family visiting.

What I have done is recorded certain moments along the way. Mostly because I can capture the moment at hand and be able to explain it rather than type it. This does not mean I will stop writing. That's what i love to do! But why not some video, right?

Anyway, I will be uploading installments of the wedding and another post for Cape Breton. Just click on the video to watch!

ENJOY!

Love,

Ewey

An Express Message From Earth

Enclosed is some extra money for the trip to get this to Matthew.....


Hey Matt,

I'm glad you received this message. It cost me like 8 bajillion dollars to make sure it made it safe. Luckily Fed Ex had a special on for messages directly to you.

I got the news this morning man. I'm sorry. I miss you. I love you!

I know it's been a month or so since we last talked. I guess as we grow up, it does get hectic and harder to see each other.

All I've been doing today is remembering our lives together as we grew up.

Hey! Do you remember the time that You, Geoff, and I went to that completely insane/awesome toy store and Grandma bought us plastic swords and ninja jammy jams? We all practiced our super power ninja capabilities! Sadly, I was the smallest ninja so I took the brunt of the battle. Grandma said boys will be boys and Grandad said don't put any holes in my walls! But I'm sure he really didn't mind us horsing around.

It rained today Matt. It rained for you.

I decided to pull over by an old baseball field that Geoff and I use to play on. Mostly because it gave me fond memories of being a kid and being happy and care free. Everyone needs a happy place.

At any rate, I just sat there on the bleachers and thought about you. I thought about our family and how many people are hurting inside.

It's kind of funny how people associate rain with sadness. That's what I did. I felt every little drop of sadness that fell from the clouds onto the back of my neck. I told myself it was raining for you.

I got back in my car and turned my wipers on and drove for a little bit. Not long after that, I saw the sun from behind the clouds. I figured you found a new happy place. I'm glad you did. When I got out of my car, the warm sun on my face made me feel better because I knew you were there.

Much like the rain feeds the flowers and the sun helps them grow, you have loved, you have helped us grow.

Even though I won't be seeing you just yet, you should know that all of our hearts are bigger because of you. The love you gave as a son, a grandson, a brother, an uncle, a cousin, a friend, will always keep our hearts healthy and strong.

Matt, I just wanted to wish you well and tell you we are all thinking of you!

Oh, and check the envelope again. I put in an extra 5 for a beer on me!

Love your little cousin,



Christopher

Orchid Vaginas, Dirty Moustache Rides, And Green Beer

Well, this is what happens when you take a small sabbatical from your blog.....

I apologize folks! As of late I've been keeping busy with extra curricular activities. I did a little Sunday shopping today. Sorry if you don't agree with it. I didn't at first, but man.... It REALLY is much more convenient for me to shop Sunday!

Anyhoo, after a visit to my friends in a small little Celtic shop in Spring Garden Place, I found myself in the middle of a Orchid Convention!!! Not that I really knew anything about orchids, nor had any previous desire to know more about a specific plant or flower. What I did find out is that these people take orchid growing so seriously and to the extreme, it should be an extreme sport.

Among seeing some of the most amazing and unfathomable orchid growing talent this side of the old bell tower, I got a floor seat to see which growers had beef with the other growers. Some people were pointed out to me, and were said to have 'no eye for a good orchid' AND 'her arrangements make me want to drop my petals.' Whatever that meant :?

I could feel the tension in the room.... It was like being in a staring crossfire between the crips and the bloods!

I moved on to another station with a wonderful arrangement. The lady viewing the orchids along side of me could have easily have been my Grandmother, then proceeded to explaine to me in detail how an orchid is like a vagina.

Yes, it's true! A thin lipped Va-J J....

OK.... Maybe I can see where she is coming from, but explain this one below!

I don't know whether to pee in the sac and flush or pull away for fear of a dirty Mexican moustache ride....

At any rate, enough about orchids!

St Paddy's Day is soon here and I dare say there will be some doozie pics of the event! So save your energy folks, and I hope you all have a green beer or more!

CHEERS!!!!

Ewey

A Thrillemic Weekend!!!

I've had one helluva weekend folks! It started off with a screening of 1992's "Army of Darkness".

Hosted by local film fanatics Jason Eisener, Mark Palermo, Stephen Cooke, Zach Tovey, John Davies, Rob Cotterill at the Empire 6 Cinema in Dartmouth. <----Directly copied and pasted from their Facebook page, which you should check out people!!!!! Search for "The Thrillema"..... People, if you love classic movies, outrageous movies, and even slightly sadistic movies, you must join this group! As a matter of fact, the next movie to be showing is Robocop!!!! Yes, I did say it.... Robocop!!!! These guys are doing amazing work to bring back so many of our favorite movies back to the big screen and packing the theater with people who could not be more excited to watch these classics. Accomplished individuals themselves, they seem to be striking a rock note with everyone because of their movie choices... Which I'm sure can not be an easy decision. Their Mission You Ask? It is as follows: "Our mission is to bring together the Halifax/Dartmouth film watching community to gather and watch 35mm prints of some of our favorite movies." <--- Again, directly copied and pasted from the Facebook Group. Damn fine mission boys! Check it again guys ---> 'The Thrillema' on Facebook!

AND THEN..... took off to PEI on Friday evening for a random adventure with some great friends. I refuse to post pictures because it started out by dry humping the giant blueberry in Oxford. Folks, it didn't get any prettier from there.....

AND THEN..... I had the Monday off, so Good Old Zwickster and I went shopping for a new home theater, Eff you all up in your face, system.... Pretty bad ass series. I hope you and Amy love it!

AND THEN..... 24 <----The best show on earth!!! I end it here because I will be preparing a post on how much you smell like Vienna Sausage if you don't watch 24. Take a hint... Watch 24
5 Ewey points to the following people for this weekend: Jason, Megan, Zwick, Amy, Jamie, Jennie, Keith, Tom, Rob, Titty-Tat, and the crew from The Thrillema!

Once you have earned 30 Ewey points, you may redeem them for a drunk night with me!
Not refundable for cash, only Canadian Tire money. Valid only in Halifax because anything outside of it, I consider venturing. I don't like to venture.

Mostly yours,

Ewey

Frank Magazine.... Is It Worth Stealing?

Everyday I make it to a gas station or somewhere that has Frank Magazine stand. And everyday I read the cover from a safe distance for fear of someone ridiculing me for touching it. I've heard some nasty reviews from people that have been personally offended from a previous issue. But I also am taunted by it for the hilarity I sometimes see on the cover.

Mostly because I see Steve Murphy from the CTV News on the cover, grinning at me from week to week. I still have to investigate this matter, but it does seem like Good Ole' Steve has struck a chord with Frank. For some reason, I get the feeling it's for a non-favorable reason.

I read the first few chapters of Steve Murphy's book 'Before The Cameras", while at some sort of party. In hindsight, the party must have been pretty damn craptacular to read a book.....

At any rate, I've been tempted to take one off of the shelf and slide it into my back pocket, while no one is looking, to give it a good read. Yes, I frequently steal items that have a value of less than 3 dollars.

The only reason I am tempted by this bright covered, flimsy paged magazine is because from time to time, I burst out in laughter in a line-up and have to try and explain what made me laugh hard enough to warrant a shamWOW urine cleanup.

Someone once told me I should write for Frank Magazine, but at that time I wasn't sure if it was an insult or a compliment.

So, tomorrow morning when I go to grab my morning coffee and pack of three trojan condoms that I hide in random places I go throughout the course of my day, I will be stealing a Frank Magazine to see what is actually behind the cover. I urge you all to steal one as well, and let me know your thoughts. I also urge you to buy condoms and hide them in funny places. A friends top right desk drawer, throw one in the back seat of your buddies car so his girlfriend can find it later, or even just throw a thumb tack through one and stick it to someones ceiling. Maybe someday it will get lost in the shuffle, after being found, be used, and then you can congratulate someone on their unsuspecting pregnancy.

I apologize to some of you for going behind your backs and reading this magazine you loathe, but curiosity is something I thrive on and I must know the truth for myself!

Expect a follow up post to "Frank Magazine.... Is It Worth Stealing?"

Until next post,

Ewey